


Role Model

by Princess_Claire_Fey



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Trans, Coming Out, Fire Nation Royal Family, Gender Confusion, Gender Dysphoria, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Multi, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, Trans Zuko (Avatar), Transgender, Ursa-never-left AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-26
Updated: 2019-05-25
Packaged: 2019-06-07 16:00:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 25,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15222683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Princess_Claire_Fey/pseuds/Princess_Claire_Fey
Summary: A young and very confused Zuko got caught rifling through the wrong wardrobe. Nothing was really the same after that: Battle lines were drawn, secrets kept, and promises broken that made everything that came before seem almost benign by comparison. Zuko's little world became a lot bigger very quickly - and the one thing that kept him sane through it all was his anchor, his Role Model.





	1. Chapter 1

"What are you doing!?"  
  
Zuko practically turned on his heels, more surprised and _frightened_ than Azula had managed to make him in all the years they had been siblings. Sure, Zuko was always fearful of Azula's prowess growing further beyond his own, of her 'harmless' pranks, or that of more of her lies reaching father. But this time, it was different. The feeling you get when you get caught with your hand in the cookie jar at midnight.  
  
Except, the jar was Azula's wardrobe and the cookies, well...  
  
They were her _clothes._  
  
Had the young Fire Prince had his wits about him, he may have remarked on how her usually cutting sister was just as speechless than he was. No remarks about him being a _girl_ , no threats to reveal his crime against dignity to mother or father. No attempts to extort the latest favorable 'deal'. A rare expression for her: shock.  
  
"Azula, I..." he finally stuttered a response. He wanted to run. But where would he run? If someone else saw him, then... everyone would know. _Father_ would know.  
  
The boy was a deercat in the firelight. Paralyzed by indecision.  
  
Even in his own shock Zuko could see that formulating look in her eyes. The slow and methodical march, the Fire Princess's resurgence of control. Decisions always seemed to come easy to her, even the hard ones.  
  
_What will she do?_  
  
He had to say something. Azula, she'd... she would...  
  
At least she could keep a secret, even if there was always a price.  
  
"Don't tell. Please"  
  
He looked ridiculous. The clothes he was wearing didn't fit him - at least a couple sizes two small. His hair down, but Zuko hadn't bothered to brush out the kink created by that ridiculous pony tail of his - and perhaps the poorest use of lipstick Azula had ever seen. Had the Fire Princess engineered this scenario, she might have thought it funny. She'd always known little zu-zu to be a deviant. The weird one. Always falling behind in his training, his learning. Never seeming to _fit in_.  
  
This however, was far too depraved to be a laughing matter. Though the Fire Princess had resumed her illusion of control, her insides were still churning about... _wondering_. The scenario before her was truly alien - as if one of her teachers at the academy had asked a trick question, leaving out one vitally important detail. One could work out the inklings of an answer, but without the rest of the context, you were truly shooting off in the dark.  
  
"I won't." Azula finally assured.  
  
A sigh of relief.  
  
" _If_ you tell me what in the name of Agni you're doing" she crossed her arms.  
  
"Well, I..."  
  
The boy stuttered, his heart racing, not even sure what he wanted to say. Should he tell the truth? Would Azula even believe him? _...what even is the truth?_ , he finally thought, all of his prior confidence that he had mustered for this occasion having evaporated upon his sister's arrival. Assumptions, conclusions that once seemed stubborn as rock now flowing free like water.  
  
It was simply too much for the young boy to put into words. But he _had_ to put it into words or else she would do it for him.  
  
_Pervert._  
  
It was a bad decision. Zuko should have just stayed in his room, curling in the covers as his jealousies, insecurities, failings and emotions washed away into early sleep. Surely that would have been preferable than dragging them into the spotlight like this. Anything else.  
  
He had just _wanted to._  
  
Putting feelings into words was never Zuko's strong suit. Especially when under pressure from _her_.  
  
Zuko looked at Azula - or at least in her general direction - his gaze shifting up from the floor he had been staring at for the last eternity.  
  
"I wanted to look like you."  
  
He cringed, regretting the words as soon as he spoke them. Zuko may as well have castrated himself. Though at the same time, he meant every word - making the admission ever the more troubling. He had put himself at the mercy of Azula's court, pled guilty by giving her a damning confession.  
  
And she _laughed_.  
  
Nay, the Fire Princess was in _hysterics_ , giggling like her friend Ty Lee (of whom Zuko also harbored jealousy, though that would be much harder to get him to admit).  
  
Azula almost didn't believe him. It sounded like the punchline to a joke rather than something that was actually real. "...you wanted to look like me!?"  
  
"...Y-Yes!" he affirmed. "Stop laughing!"  
  
It was futile however. This was just the latest in a string of copy-parrotcats done by Zuko, each one making his sister laugh more than the last as he failed to emulate her.  
  
To be as good as her.  
  
"Zuko, you're just as pathetic as a girl as you are a firebender." Azula said pointedly, matter-of-factly - no longer laughing.  
  
Zuko looked down at the ground, crushed without even really knowing why. Why should a boy feel bad about not being a girl? It didn't make any sense. And even if it did, he could hardly deny her claim. Zuko didn't need to look into the mirror to know he looked downright silly. He had no clue what he was doing. He was pathetic.  
  
The boy pinched himself, hoping to become lucid, to wake up form this nightmare. He couldn't even bear to keep his eyes open anymore. He didn't want to see himself, to see his sister. To see the way she looked down on him.  
  
"...are you crying?"  
  
Zuko was too far gone to witness all hints of humor drop from his sister's face. Though she often took opportunities to humiliate or otherwise disparage her brother, she never sought to bring any harm to him. Even though weak zu-zu and her would likely disagree on the definition of 'harm', _this_ was definitely not on Azula's agenda. There was no benefit, no gain in her brother being broken like this. It wasn't even _fun_ , it was like beating Ty Lee at a game of Pai Sho. And if she were to show her father this shameful display...?  
  
He would be put in a black box and hidden away forever so that the public never learned of the (likely former) Crown Prince's deviant tendencies.  
  
They were brother and sister. Though Azula certainly wanted to prevent her brother from unjustly reaping the benefits of being firstborn despite his obviously inadequate ability, the line had to be drawn _somewhere._ It simply wasn't... honorable? Or something. Stupidly cruel, even by her standards.  
  
"Zuko"  
  
He didn't hear her in between his sobs. Zuko hadn't cried like this since Father had said something or other about being lucky to be born.  
  
Azula had been rooted in her spot at the doorway, unable to approach the abomination that was her crossdressing brother. But she found it in her to move forwards.  
  
"Zuko" she repeated her brother's name, a hand on his shoulder. The boy opened his eyes. "Look... I-" she paused, not used to speaking so. "-I won't tell. I'll leave while you dress yourself in something proper. Just be gone by the time I get back."  
  
The boy nodded slowly, waiting for his sister to leave and all traces of his escapade to be erased before finally assuming his walk of shame back to his room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited 12/30/18 - Minor word choice, grammar and punctuation, removed a few extraneous lines.


	2. Chapter 2

It was a long walk. Zuko felt cold. Even with his inner fire burning hot, the warm rays of life from Agni shining on him, the boy shivered as he navigated the pathways and courtyards of the Royal Palace.  
  
He had taken the long way around. An understatement: he had taken the scenic route's scenic route. Simply calling it 'long' didn't do the prince's meandering justice. Zuko didn't want to see anyone else, he didn't want to _be seen_ by anyone else. To have his shame exposed to the world. Even though the evidence of his deviancy was gone, nobody save one knowing his deeds, Zuko felt the need to hide himself from the world. _He_ knew what he had done, infiltrating what was sacred and not for his eyes. Unlike his sister, he could not hide his guilt and dishonor so easily. Play pretend innocence as if it were all a fun game. No, it wasn't just everyone else judging Zuko, it was Zuko judging Zuko also.  
  
Which was why he found himself exploring the rarely-visited wings, crooks and crevices of his home. Not only did it shield him from the gaze of others, but his own as well, somewhat.  
  
And there was also fear:  
  
_Azula always lies._  
  
There was some part of him, some hidden intuition that told Zuko that this time his sister was being genuine. But he had thought that many a time before, many broken promises ago. Zuko didn't know what to think. Was she telling the others right now, her promise empty words to stop him from crying? Or would she hold it over him in perpetuity, a secret that could with ease turn his life asunder. He could never understand Azula.  
  
Out here those things didn't matter. As long as he stayed away from Mother and Father and Azula and everyone he didn't have to find out what she decided to do, what consequences he would face. With distance came security like a warm blanket against the boy's shivers, and he welcomed that, cherishing every moment of freedom. It was temporary - that he knew, no matter how much his father and sister insisted he was a fool - but Zuko was willing to take temporary right now. A moment's respite away from one's problems, before reality's reckoning, was everything when one didn't have anything to look forward to.  
  
Though such thoughts didn't stop his mind from wandering. Zuko could never seem to quiet his mind, to achieve that 'inner calm and peace' that everyone around him seemed to think he should (though the boy wondered if father only desired such things from him because it would keep him quiet). Zuko was a fighter, through and through. What he wasn't given like _Azula_ he had to make for himself. And although the boy reeled from the events previous, there was always a corner of his mind that continued to think forward even when he wanted to do anything but.  
  
Zuko wondered what others would think of him. Mother had always supported him, no matter how hard he failed or how far he fell in his father's eyes. To her, it didn't matter when he didn't succeed, only that he picked himself up to try once again. It was comforting, to be supported so unconditionally in a world teeming with people constantly comparing you to others. But would she still stand behind him after this? Before his cause was righteous. But now...  
  
_Deviant. Pervert._  
  
Zuko didn't want to believe mother would abandon him ever. But another voice told him that such hope was foolish, that she would scold him just like any other time he had done something _wrong_ and stand by as he received by the ire of the Firelord - as was her wont increasingly since grandfather had passed.  
  
_Father_  
  
It was perhaps the Firelord that the boy feared the most. He had always said that Zuko would one day become a man and seek out the companionship of girls, though somehow the boy doubted that _this_ is what he meant. Was it? He searched, but Zuko could not tell from where this strange impulse arose. Was he really a... _sexual_ deviant? Father had said that boys liked girls and girls liked boys, except for a select few who were _wrong_. He had heard of whispers of such an affliction at the Fire Academy (usually used as an insult towards those even _less_ successful than him), though speaking of it outright was forbidden, _illegal_ since Sozin's time.  
  
Was Zuko this manner of deviant? Dressing wrongly to lure others into some kind of perverted trap? He _had_ felt exhilarated, excited in the moment. To finally carry out what he had idly considered many times...  
  
_No_.  
  
_**No!**_  
  
He was not _wrong_ and he certainly wasn't trying to... _lure_ anyone. No. Zuko would not accept that deep within him was an evil. He was a good person who wanted to make his nation proud, make his father proud. He didn't want to go down in history as one of the many Firelords and Fire Princes who were listed in the family tree but never spoken about except in hushed whispers, for their deeds had been purged from time. _No_.  
  
Then... what?  
  
_I wanted to look like you._  
  
It was no use. Zuko would be castigated in front of everyone for this if he found out. All because he was jealous of his sister. There was no excuse, not even an inkling of a rational reason for his actions. He doubted even Uncle and all his wisdom could find one, even if he weren't on some spiritual walkabout.  
  
All Zuko had to rely on was his sister's word. And _that_ made him shiver, moreso than the evening winter air.


	3. Chapter 3

"Zuko! I've been looking all over for you"  
  
Zuko was never particularly good at hide-and-go seek, whether he was hiding _or_ seeking. Though usually it was seeking, since his the former generally didn't last long and the latter, well... that depended on _which_ forbidden nook or abandoned cranny his sister decided to hide in. And _that_ , in the moment, is what kept him from scaling the palace walls in that spot that nobody bothered to guard anymore. Disappearing off into the night. Even if he truly wanted to hide away, he would be found, eventually. At times, it was a tempting prospect. No more responsibility hanging over his head, no more trying to live up to impossible expectations. No more being pitied and looked down upon. Sometimes, Zuko swore to himself he would. And yet he also _knew_ he would not go, even if it were possible. As a harsh of a place it could be sometimes, the only people who cared for him in the world were right here. His duty was here. There was no leaving.  
  
His mother knelt down before him, looking at him with that same old sweet expression of hers. Her golden eyes shined even in the evening light, clearly unaware of the events that had sent her son uncharacteristically wandering. "Where have you been?" she asked, looking him over and straightening him out with a few quick hands on his sleeves and around his waist, fixing imperfections Zuko didn't see or understand.  
  
The boy let out a sigh of relief. Every worst-case scenario, every conscious nightmare he had envisioned over the afternoon was washed away. His sister had kept to her word - Mother still loved him, still looked at him with the same fondness she always did. Zuko finally stopped looking at the ground, scanning her face one more time for any signs of disappointment, happy to find nothing. "I was just... I was just exploring. Yeah." he answered finally, turning his head as if to hide from the shame his lie of omission brought him.  
  
A well-manicured hand ruffled the hairs on his head. "Well, that's enough exploring for today." she said, more amused with Zuko's expression than anything else. "It's time for dinner. Your father and sister are probably already waiting."  
  
Zuko swallowed.  
  
"Um, I'm not hungry." he said quickly, perhaps too quickly. No matter how well she could keep secrets, he was _not_ going to sit across the table from Azula. He wasn't going to endure her teasing, as she slowly and slowly would bury Zuko alive. ' _Oh Daddy, did I tell you what Zu-zu and I got up to today? We had lots of fun playing pretend._ ' Lie by lie she'd cause his heart to sink further into his stomach like a rock, getting him to play along until he couldn't take it anymore. It was a game of rat-chicken. How long could he stand to have his embarrassment slowly revealed until he stormed out, unwilling to hear anymore? It was what she always did when she found out something new she could use. Azula loved to play with her food. To her it was _harmless fun_. ' _I didn't_ actually _say anything, dum-dum. Your secret's safe with me._ ', he could hear her say.  
  
"But-"  
  
"...My stomach hurts!" he blurted out, insistent.  
  
Zuko felt another hand, this time on his cheek. He didn't like to admit it sometimes, but his mother knew him better than most. Not only could she just tell when he was stubbornly deceptive, as any adult could, but she had a certain intuition about him. The kind that any mother would. "Did Azula say something to you?" she asked after a long pause, waiting for her son to look her in her eyes again.  
  
_Zuko, you're just as pathetic as a girl as you are a firebender._  
  
He looked away again, unable to say the truth. "No." he answered, unable to confess as to what was bothering him. Unable to even say directly that something even _was_ bothering him, or his sister would surely make good on her nature.  
  
And if she wouldn't?  
  
How could Zuko explain? ' _Mom, Azula said I'm bad at being a girl and made me cry_ '. That wouldn't make any _sense_. None at all. It would be impossible to make her understand why such simple words drove him to tears when he didn't really understand himself. And even if somehow he could, then the hands that comforted him would surely withdraw once she knew what was upsetting him. What he had done.  
  
"Zuko" A pause. "Look at me" she asked, waiting for a second time for him to get over whatever shame and fear locked his eyes to the ground. "You can tell me anything. Whatever it is I'll always be there for you." she affirmed, pulling him into an embrace and providing warmth that the evening air could not. "Are you sure your sister didn't take away your appetite?"  
  
"Yes"  
  
All of the sudden Zuko could feel himself being lifted off the ground and into his mother's arms. "Alright now" she said in that ever-calming voice of hers. "Let's go ahead and tuck you in. I'll tell your Father that you're ill."  
  
He hadn't been carried through his home like this since he was little. As alone as he felt, not being able to confide in his own mother, the familiar feeling of being settled in for bedtime brought the Prince some comfort. She knew there was something he wasn't saying. _He_ knew that she knew. And yet Zuko didn't have the heart to care. Whatever happened he could deal with it in the morning.  
  
With a kiss on the forehead Ursa left her son wrapped tightly in silk.

* * *

  
  
The Fire Prince hadn't been sleeping long before he heard the door again. Firelight spilled in from the hallway making his eyes sting, and along with it a shadow he could not see. Groggily, he lifted his head to see whatever the commotion was, hoping it was his mother returning to check on him.  
  
Lethargic as a half-asleep Zuko was, he didn't stay groggy for long.  
  
"What do you want."  
  
The girl at the door rolled her eyes. "More like what do you want, dum-dum?" she asked, less of a question and more of a pointed accusation (though of what Zuko didn't know, or at least was too sleepy to imagine)  
  
"What?"  
  
"Mom came by tonight. She seemed rather convinced I had been a bad girl tormenting my big brother today. Care to explain, zu-zu?"  
  
_Can't this wait until tomorrow?_ , Zuko idly wondered, not knowing what possessed his sister to barge in at such an hour asking about something that very well could have waited until at least the morning. _Or maybe that would be too easy._ The boy thought idly.  
  
"I didn't say anything" he said honestly, having tried to avoid this exact scenario only a few hours previous.  
  
Golden eyes burned away the skin on his forehead.  
  
"Really. I didn't. Go ahead and tell if you don't believe me" said Zuko brashly, dropping his head back on the pillow and hoping she'd just go away and do whatever it is she was going to do later.  
  
"That isn't what I want, you know"  
  
Silence. Zuko didn't believe her.  
  
Azula rolled her eyes even though her brother was no longer looking at them. " _Really_. I'm looking out for you, you know. If people knew what you did they would think you're wrong." another pause. "But I'm sure you already knew that. What maybe you don't know is that it wouldn't just hurt you if people knew. It would cast doubt on all of us. Father has his own problems, what with being a second son behind fuddy-duddy uncle."  
  
_Then why in Agni's name are you here_ , he thought to himself - silently as to not give more fuel to his sister's rants.  
  
"We're on the same side here. Get mommy on a leash, would you? It's rude to slander the very person trying to help you." she said harshly, simply. "We wouldn't want her to find out our little secret, would we?"


	4. Chapter 4

Zuko could never tell when he was dreaming. That is, if he even remembered his dreams at all. A few claimed to be able to do it with ease ' _Why, it's merely a matter of detail, Prince Zuko_ '. Some people said they could just _tell_ that things were off. Zuko had always thought they were liars, though he had to admit it made a certain amount of sense, in hindsight. After all, none of his dreams ever actually _made sense_. When he woke up, they looked to be a jumbled mess of seemingly impossible things. They couldn't possibly be real upon close inspection, yet at the time they always seemed so completely real. Many times had Zuko woken to thinking he had forgotten an assignment due the next day at the Royal Fire Academy, only to realize that it was summer and there wouldn't be assignments for many weeks.  
  
But now? Now Zuko believed them. Staring at himself in the mirror, wearing a hazel ball-gown and his face made up like a geisha, his chest no longer flat like a man's - Zuko knew what he was seeing couldn't be real. And from that moment on, his mind was alive, cognizant of the world around it. He was in control. Or, mostly. His movements felt stiff, as if he were steering a ship at the mercy of the currents rather than moving his limbs by his own volition. He was himself through his own eyes... but he could see himself, too. It was confusing, to say the least.  
  
He liked what he saw. Zuko looked pretty, or at least his reflection did. If it weren't for his face, his eyes, he'd scarcely recognize it as himself. Not only was his attire and form that of a woman, he looked older too. More like a Prince of the Fire Nation and less like a little boy with a crown.  
  
Indeed, everything was different, not just his own appearance, but his surroundings, too. The rich, civilian decor had been replaced by spartan furnishings - the walls metal, the bed simple (if well furnished with silks), the only things on the walls being a pair of swords and a tapestry with the teardrop flame of his nation. The one thing standing out being the vanity he found himself staring into.  
  
However his focus was stolen and the Prince's instinct to explore took over. A noise, it sounded like a scream, or maybe a whistle. Through the sealed door, out into the labyrinth of corridors and chambers. Zuko had never seen such a place before. Was he underground, was that why he could not fly as he had always wanted to in his dreams? It certainly had the chill of the underground. His senses were muted - but nevertheless the boy recognized the chill. His body shivered and he reflexively wrapped his arms around himself (though it was kind of silly, Zuko admitted. You can't catch a cold in your own dream after all).  
  
Zuko opened the last door and finally discovered the source of his shivers. The sun was gone, obscured by black clouds. Even outside in the day it was still dark, the sea churned about as if the spirits of ocean and moon were angry. He was on a warship, sailing at sea. Looking around at the horizon, all he could see was grey clouds and dark ocean in every direction. However he couldn't hear the accompanying sounds of crashing waves and warping metal. The ship's central spire had no lookout and no light - come to think of it, he hadn't seen anyone right up until now.  
  
Zuko wondered why he was even here, dreaming up such a dreary and boring place. He wanted to be somewhere else. Home, that would be a good start. _Aren't you supposed to be able to control these kinds of dreams?_ He tried to fly again, but he couldn't. He was stuck, as if his shoes had been welded to the deck plates, unwilling to do anything but move forward towards the girl standing at the prow.  
  
His sister.  
  
He stopped, his body stiff. Would this be yet another nightmare where she turned only to burn all that he cared for? It had happened so many times. Even as a small child he had dreamed of Azula burning everything with her touch of flame. No, it wouldn't, Zuko concluded. He was in control this time, he knew it was not real. Zuko had nothing to fear.  
  
He got closer and closer until finally he was only steps behind her. Zuko noticed that she looked different too. _Off._ If there was one way you could normally describe Azula, it would be collected. In control. Prepared, _perfect_. And yet even though she stood deathly still at the prow of a warship, she seemed anything but. The closer he got, the more battered and broken she seemed. Her hair and clothing, they were torn and ragged. Her head lacked its crown, black locks of hair blowing freely in the wind.  
  
_Azula?_ he tried to speak out loud, failing to utter a word. It was becoming harder to move, he could already feel wakefulness pulling away at him. A faint buzzing growing louder.  
  
Zuko felt uneasy, this dream wasn't like anything he had experienced before (or, not that he could remember). It felt less like he was caught up in some imaginary game, the world around him changing at the whims of his subconscious, and more like he was trapped in a storybook. The world around was static, unchanging. Zuko _knew_ that the only thing to do was to place a hand on her shoulder, to turn the page. Another part of him wanted to wake up. He could at least do that, right? All he'd have to do was relax and let his conscious mind take over, pulling him into the real world.  
  
And yet, he didn't want to. Something was keeping him here.  
  
The dream-currents didn't fight him as he raised his hand and placed it there on his sister's mantle. It felt warm, _hot_ , his instinct was to pull away. Though Zuko didn't get the chance.  
  
The Prince let out a silent gasp as his sister turned, stepping back as she revealed herself to him. She looked as if she had fought a war, or perhaps more accurately, been mauled by an animal. Her clothes were blackened and burned in some places, revealing the raw and reddened skin underneath. The marks were everywhere, her chest, arms, legs and... Zuko's eyes were drawn to a bleeding gash on her abdomen, clutched tightly by her right arm. The girl who at a distance looked to be standing straight was in fact hunched over, as if she were having difficulty supporting her own weight. Her face, her eyes (though unharmed for the most part) bore a morose expression. The fire that everyone always saw in them absent.  
  
" _Zuko_ "  
  
He vaguely felt Azula's left hand grasp his arm, surprised by the injured girl's speed. Zuko looked down with shock - he had never seen or heard of such a mark before. The skin was totally black in places, as if molten obsidian had been fused to the skin within the depths of a volcanic forge. Sprawling out from each raven-colored mark were crimson hills and valleys, spread out as if her arm had been wrapped in a spider's web, forming an intricate pattern that went all the way up her shoulder and down to her fingers like that of a snowflake.  
  
" _Run_ "  
  
Zuko was scared now, the touch of her scarred hand felt real. The buzzing permeated his ears and he could begin to feel each of his limbs. He wanted to do as she asked, he wanted to run - whatever the danger it felt _real._. This wasn't how waking dreams were supposed to be, not at all.  
  
There was confusion for a moment. Where was he? What was he doing? Why was he so warm? Then Zuko remembered where he was, tightly tucked in bed exactly where his mother had left him the night previous.  
  
Zuko scolded himself. Maybe it was _obvious_ , finding yourself exactly where you went to sleep after waking from a dream, but for a fleeting moment he hadn't expected it. As if the dream had been... interrupted? As if there was more somehow, as if he had only read the first chapter of a book. Not that Zuko _wanted_ any more. If he had known that was what waking dreams were like, he wouldn't have gone to sleep. Not fun at all, not even close to the freedom and escape daydreams brought.  
  
_They're all liars_ , he thought to himself, thinking back to all the times he had heard boys at the Royal Fire Academy claiming they were able to control their dreams. Zuko couldn't imagine anyone who would induce such a thing willingly. _Agni._ He had never seen such a wound before. Zuko had seen people come back from the front, bearing scars of their battles. A few of his friends had the occasional minor burn mark from sparring. Those were _cool._ But what he had seen? He wanted to forget.  
  
The memory was cemented in his mind as any waking one. Zuko could remember it as clearly as he could remember Azula coming to see him in the night. Was she the cause of all this? Had fear of her somehow been the catalyst, imbued the necessary thoughts and feelings to cause such a thing? He had had nightmares of her before - his younger sister, firebending prodigy, standing laughing as his home burned to ashes.  
  
It was a convenient explanation, one Zuko was going to stick with.  
  


* * *

  
  
For next few hours Zuko drifted in and out of sleep, not wanting to leave the safety of the covers but also being unable to drift off for more than a few minutes at a time. By then of course, the sun had already fully risen and Agni's rays were filtering into his bedroom, diffused by the curtains of his canopy-bed but nevertheless distracting enough to prevent the boy from attempting sleep once more. Even so, Zuko didn't really want to leave. The outside world brought many dangers. He couldn't even speak to mother, for he could unintentionally reveal his secret just as Azula had said. Uncle was away, and _Mai_ wouldn't be visiting until next week. There was nothing to do but eat, practice _kata_ , read... and Zuko didn't feel like doing much of _anything_ right now. He was safest right here, in his room.  
  
Problem: There was no food in his room. And, as a growing boy who hadn't eaten since yesterday's breakfast, Zuko was very hungry.  
  
He wished he had one of those strings he could pull to ring a bell in the servant's quarters. Azula had gotten hers put in last year, but Zuko had resisted thus far - it was just so...? Not right? Impersonal? Degrading? To have someone at your beck and call via such a device. It was the duty of those below him to serve him, and if Zuko wanted something, he'd go and ask for it - it was only decent. He couldn't really explain _why_ \- Azula certainly thought he was crazy for not taking advantage of it. And (especially now), he could definitely see her point of view. Yet, whenever he mustered the courage to bring it up with father, he stopped short at the last second. Zuko thought about what the servants would think of him if he did so. Would they think he were like father, or Azula? Who seemed to treat their lowborn servants as if they were machines rather than people with dreams and desires of their own.  
  
All that aside - he would at least have to make it beyond his bedroom door to call for a meal. And that would require actually getting out of bed.  
  
Zuko didn't quite remember why he expected it to be cold, but the floor was comfortably warm under his bare feet. The morning sun seeping through the windows had done its job, radiating a small portion of its great heat on the carpet, which he was quite thankful for. Even so, Zuko dressed well, layering as if it were winter and choosing the same dull red he always did. Long sleeves, trousers - head to toe in very nice fabric. People often asked "Aren't you boiling?" to which he responded "No."  
  
The truth was, of course, that he usually was (given the climate in the Fire Nation). But it just didn't really _matter_ , not really. That was just the way Zuko dressed. Or, when he had any choice in the matter. All the clothes that he got to choose from looked the same anyway, he mainly wore whatever made Mother happy.  
  
And yet, looking in the mirror and doing a final check for any imperfections that could be used against him, Zuko wondered if it had to be that way. It was wrong to have judged his dream based on its ending - in the beginning, Zuko remembered being _content_. He remembered looking into the much bigger vanity in the iron room, seeing something far more pleasant staring back at him. Even though his embarrassment from yesterday was still raw, Zuko was reinvigorated. He had felt _stupid_ standing there in his sister's room, his appearance chaotic and lacking order. And yet... was looking as he did in his dreamscape at all _possible_ for him? Or just lies of his imagination? It had all seemed so real...  
  
He wondered, what would people think if he looked the way as he had imagined? If with each footfall the fabric of his gown fluttered and followed him. If with each touch of the wind locks of long dark hair frayed and reunited at his back. If every imperfection on his face had been painted over making him radiate in the rays of the sun. How would they look upon their prince then? Would they look at him with the same respect they afforded his sister? Or would they ignore him as they did now?  
  
_Neither_ , was the obvious answer. He'd be a fake, an _impostor_. They wouldn't be looking, they'd be laughing. Just as Azula had done.  
  
Perhaps Zuko really was _wrong?_. His dreams, imagining himself as something he wasn't, as a _girl_. As something _cute_ and _desirable_. Imagining his sister in a sorry state, as if he had sucked the life out of her to enrich himself. He began to doubt himself once more. It had no meaning, it couldn't have. Just the latest in a series of nonsensical nightmares.  
  
Perhaps the clothes Mother had picked for him would do after all.  
  
He squinted as he made it outside into the full light of the sun. It was higher than he had previously thought, not far from noon already. The light on his face did serve to revitalize him however, as did the walk in the fresh (albeit, no longer morning) air. He could feel it in his _chi_ , the contact with his mother sun empowering his inner fire. Lethargy bled into alertness as he walked down each corridor, passing guards and servants alike on the way.  
  
And it was all going so well until...  
  
"Zu-zu!" His sister had been leaning against a wall in the shade, wearing her battle-dress and mantlet as was her wont increasingly, ever since she had been afforded them. No burns or charred marks. The same girl from the previous day (though perhaps more upbeat). "Sleep well?"  
  
Zuko frowned, even though his sister's question seemed genuine. He looked the other way. "No" he answered honestly. The dark circles under his eyes would betray him anyway as soon as she examined them more closely. Though if Zuko was being honest with himself, his desire to be truthful had more to do with questioning his sister regarding her fate in his dream, and less so her deductive capabilities. It felt silly to ask of such things, he thought: whatever he imagined was simply a creation of his mind. It didn't have to make sense or mean anything. It was far more likely his subconscious conjured the image up to scare him than it was something _real_ that he had seen somewhere, only to forget later.  
  
Regardless of his trepidation, his sister continued without missing a beat. "That's unfortunate" she said, standing up straight and approaching him. "I know my-"  
  
And if it was something he had heard described, perhaps one of Uncle's many tales? Curiosity consumed him. The image was simply burned into his mind. He _had_ to ask.  
  
"Azula?" he interrupted, his voice quick and hurried, sounding more desperate than was probably healthy around Azula. He didn't even bother to look at his sister's face for her contempt at being cut off. "Have you ever seen a.. um.." he trailed off.  
  
"A, um...?" she prompted, looking at him expectantly.  
  
"A scar. Or... a wound! With black spots, and these sort of creepy long red marks" he blurted out, feeling really stupid for bringing up his dream randomly as he did. Even more stupid for not having the words to describe what he had seen. What was he expecting anyway? Some things are best left unknown, especially whatever wound the dark recesses of his mind had thought up when rendering the image of his sister.  
  
Despite Zuko's reddened face, Azula seemed rather un-fazed by the question. "...creepy long red marks..." she repeated, sounding both skeptical and interested (but thankfully not frustrated). "And where did you see this?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.  
  
Zuko took a long pause. "Well... I didn't." Another pause. "I read it somewhere." he finally answered. It was best not to give his sister more ammunition by telling her about the sorry state he found her in his dream. And, at the very least, it _was_ probably at least technically true that he had seen it described or depicted in some book he wasn't supposed to be reading.  
  
"Of course" she nodded, not even slightly convinced. "Well I haven't seen any such thing." she answered truthfully, honestly not really paying it much mind. "Though, as strange as it may seem, I didn't come to talk about scars. Ty Lee is waiting" she said, crossing her arms.  
  
The Fire Prince's brow furrowed. _What?_ "What do you mean?" he asked, knowing that the two girls were usually attached by the hip when they were in proximity of eachother, much to the chagrin of him and Mai, who often fell victim to their practical 'jokes'.  
  
Azula returned what looked like a mix between a smile and a smirk. "Why, I told her you were really interested in playing a game of dress-up. She's waiting in the dining hall, I thought you'd want something to eat." she said nonchalantly, as if she were talking about the weather or what she ate for lunch. Not at all like she was just discussing Zuko's biggest secret out in the open, in some palace courtyard where anyone could hear them.  
  
Even though he knew what his sister was doing he couldn't help but blush. _Playing a game of dress up._ It sounded so juvenile, something he definitely wasn't supposed to be doing. It had a certain allure to it nonetheless, the chance at recapturing what was for the moment just a figment of his imagination. Another part of him, the part that released butterflies into his stomach on the day previous was fearful. And another part of him still, wondered if it was a good idea at all to pursue these... _fantasies_.  
  
His voice lowered into a whisper. "You... told Ty Lee?" he stammered, his mind in flux from being put on the spot.  
  
"I just told her you'd be interested." she replied. "How far you take it is up to you."


	5. Chapter 5

Prince Zuko didn't know what he wanted.  
  
He wanted to go. He also wanted to _not_ go. Just turn around on his heels, back to his room where he'd close the curtains and go to bed.  
  
Most of all, Zuko didn't want to be put into this situation, to be forced to make a choice. After yesterday's embarrassment, what Zuko wanted really was to sit the day out, to work out the maelstrom of emotions swirling about in his head. Perhaps to _calm down_ a little after everything in the past 24 hours, from being caught in the wrong wardrobe to midnight talks to freaky dreams. Zuko needed time _alone_ to unpack it all. Preferably that spot in the shade in one of the gardens, the one near the pond. But now he was going to end up with one more item of baggage to open and sort regardless of what he did. He'd either do this and accept whatever consequences that may entail, or run back to his room and forever wonder what he just said no to.  
  
_'I just told her you'd be interested, how far you take it is up to you'_  
  
And just what _was_ her angle in all of this anyway? Just last night it was all about keeping secrets. _'It would cast doubt on all of us'_. The second most annoying thing about Azula? She didn't make any sense. One day she'd do one thing, the next the opposite - only to claim later that both were consistent all along. It reminded Zuko of Pai Sho and he hated it. A series of seemingly irrelevant moves, tiles placed oddly until suddenly a surprise accent tile would lead to his demise. Why couldn't she just say what she was really thinking? So many games and secrets and lies. Was it all some kind of trick to produce an eyewitness of his deviancy? Something other than her word that she could use against him? He considered. It certainly wasn't out of character for her and Ty Lee to pull all kinds of pranks on him (a tendency that had only gotten worse in their teenage years).  
  
And yet he still wanted to go.  
  
No, it didn't make sense. It certainly wasn't _smart_ or _wise_. But he wanted to. Could Ty Lee help him look as pretty as he had imagined? The thought was exciting, alluring, for reasons he didn't know why. Only an hour previous he had been scolding himself for thinking so - and yet, now it seemed _possible_. Having a guiding hand to help him avoid the pitfalls, to complement him on his successes and help him out of his failures. So much better than what he had done before, sneaking around and entering a sacred space where he did not belong. It seemed too good to be true, and perhaps that was exactly why Zuko was willing to believe it was so. That his sister was genuine in her concern.  
  
Zuko was always quick to get up and try things again. To bite off more than he could chew even after failure after failure. Perhaps too quick. Perhaps that was what his sister was relying on, or perhaps... this would be the day it just worked out for him.  
  
What did he have to lose? If it were really a trick, surely he'd fall for it eventually.  
  
Except that _thinking_ about things and _doing_ them are two different beasts entirely. Zuko's feet were planted in the stone, exactly where they were when his sister had spoken those words. A pack of a thousand butterflies struggled to escape his stomach. The rational mind said one thing, but the deep recesses of fear in his mind spoke a different tune entirely. Conjuring up scenario after scenario of embarrassment and failure. What if he was just being played for a fool. What if Mother, or Father found him? What if everything went well. No tricks, nobody catching them... and she just laughed at his attempts just as Azula did? What if looking as he wanted to, looking _that way_ , was just that: a dream?  
  
The Crown Prince of the Fire Nation took a deep breath, and then moved one foot forward. And another. And another. One step at a time he progressed towards the dining hall as Azula had indicated. If anyone saw him, they might have wondered why he was walking the way he was, practically shuffling on the stone like a meek courtier on their way to see the Firelord. Though Zuko wasn't worried about that right now. Or rather, he didn't have time to be worried about that when there were a hundred other thoughts buzzing around in his mind like a swarm of tigermoths.  
  
His stomach felt every vibration as he pushed open the heavy doors, entering with great reservation. He looked, side to side trying to pinpoint the pink girl in the room, but-  
  
"Zuko!"  
  
-she found him first, wrapping him in a tight bearhug that would perhaps rival that of actual bears.  
  
The boy was in a daze. Confused. Sensory Overload. Everything was blurry - it was too late to back out now, and the fear in his mind reminded him of that, banging loudly on the drums of panic. It wasn't any one thing, it was an accumulation of things that made Zuko incapable of thinking. Dreams, lies, secrets, cloak-and-dagger meetings, fears, and yes, _hugs_ all piled onto Zuko's senses like that of a thousand perfumes mixed together making him unable to smell anything specific.  
  
The girl released him. "It's nice to see you!" she said with a smile on her lips, an outward disguise for the fact that in those grey eyes of hers she could see the swirling colors of the Prince's aura, just as she did with his sister (much to her dismay, often times). It was a vortex of turbulent emotions, something Ty Lee was familiar with on a very spiritual level. Some she recognized: anxiety, doubt, desire, fear, curiosity, echoes of surprise, and a few colors she couldn't quite recognize. And so she didn't wait for the boy to respond with platitudes of his own - for they'd surely come out stuttered and incoherent anyway. Under different circumstances, she may have asked him what was wrong - however sometimes being less direct about these things can be far more helpful. "Why don't you come sit down!" she offered, in a clear but otherwise welcoming tone. "I've already asked for Juice and Dim-sum. ...Azula mentioned that pomegranate was your favorite."  
  
Ty Lee's calm voice helped him step back up to chewing reality whole. Zuko nodded and managed a faint smile. Pomegranate was his favorite - and he _was_ both hungry and thirsty. Perhaps this wouldn't be so bad after all? "Thank you" he managed, pathetically. Though if Ty Lee noticed the weakness in his voice she didn't say anything.  
  
Meekly, Zuko sat down across from where Ty Lee had moved to seat herself. The assortment of dumplings and other sweet edibles that the pink girl had promised hadn't yet arrived. Instead stood a tall glass of dark red liquid, complete with a bamboo straw which Zuko began drinking through immediately, the sweet liquid playing a small part in easing his nerves. A small part - Zuko still found himself biting his nails between sips. Others found Ty Lee to be approachable, easygoing; she _was_ certainly very kind to him. But to Zuko, the opposite was true. In truth, being around her (or even her friend Mai, whom he'd grown a liking to) made Zuko uncomfortable in a way that wasn't easy to describe. A shaking feeling in his chest and stomach.. a tinge of... embarrassment? No matter what it was it made him feel nervous, _out of place_ , that much was clear.  
  
"I won't bite, you know" Ty Lee assured, after setting down a pinkish drink that eerily matched her clothing, quite undeterred by Zuko's silence (Indeed, such things usually only embolden Ty Lee to press on). "Why don't you tell me what you've gotten up to today?" she asked simply, doing her best to shake off some unfortunate colors in Zuko's aura, and instead replace them with the lilacs of happiness and the sky blues and sapphires of peace.  
  
Zuko breathed a sigh of relief. One, because it finally struck him how silly it was to think that _Ty Lee_ would be the player in a big plan to expose his deviancy (...when was the last time she told a lie, anyway?), and two, because she didn't ask about _that_.  
  
"Nothing." He scratched his head. "I kind of just rolled out of bed."  
  
Ty Lee giggled. "Slept in? I wish I could do that." she said, thinking of her own tumultuous morning before taking another sip of her drink. "My sisters usually have me up by dawn."  
  
While it couldn't have been particularly unfamiliar to Ty Lee, the thought made Zuko cringe. He couldn't imagine Azula being the eternal wake-up call on top of her usual infuriating sisterly self. Well actually, he _could_ imagine it, he just didn't really want to.  
  
"I think I spent most of my morning getting ready" she continued. "Oh and I guess I did a little people-watching in the carriage ride over" Ty Lee added with a smile, leaving out the argument she had with Ty Lin regarding a certain 'borrowed' _hanfu_ , and a slight disagreement with Ty Woo about the last of the caramel-chocolate (she lost that one, as usual).  
  
"Most of your morning?!" Zuko blurted out, dumbfounded. He couldn't have taken 10 minutes to get dressed and out the door. A morning spent on just getting ready for the day just seemed unthinkable.  
  
Thankfully, the Prince's outburst only elicited a small giggle from the girl in front of him. "Of course! I had to do my face and my nails and there were a few kinks in my hair... can't go to a royal play-date without looking my best, of course!" she explained.  
  
_Of course_. Zuko thought to himself, not exactly sure why looking one's best was required for simply coming over to see a friend. Though there must be something to it however, he thought, since he'd heard mother say almost the same thing on numerous occasions. Both to himself and Azula. He'd always just nodded his head and went with whatever was expected of him, though he never imagined there would be people who actually _wanted_ to spend so much time and effort into looking nice and 'proper' just for some occasion. Zuko had never seen the point, no matter how many times Mother or Azula or a servant had given him the _royal propriety_ speech.  
  
"A play-date?" Zuko asked finally, having not been aware that one had been scheduled for today. Usually Mai and Ty Lee visited together, though recently it was becoming more common (much to Zuko's chagrin) for the pink acrobat to come alone. Regardless, Zuko typically found out one way or another, either through Mother gossiping about the most recent goings-on (as was her wont) or through Azula herself. This time however was a surprise to him, as far as he knew the next date was scheduled for next week.  
  
"Don't worry!" she assured, misinterpreting the boy's reservations. "Azula said she had something super-duper important to show her father. You're not getting in the way of anything, really."  
  
Their conversation was put on hold briefly by the clinking of porcelain as a red-robed servant came by with their food, placing it on the table with a bow, to which they received a bright "Thank you!" from Ty Lee in return. Zuko's attention was stolen from scheduling mysteries and redirected towards the various aromas of pastries, pot-stickers, and mild spices which he served to himself without delay. The prince may have been merely peckish before, but with the waning of the day's stresses came the resurgence of his appetite.  
  
"Someone's hungry" Ty Lee remarked playfully.  
  
Zuko's face went red again as he realized his own lack of proper etiquette. "I missed dinner" he said, wiping his face. "Last night, I mean." _And lunch. And breakfast too, like usual_ he added in his head.  
  
Another giggle. "It's okay! Azula said you'd be hungry. Guess now I know why." she said with a smile, taking a smaller plate for herself and plucking a few dumplings with a pair of chopsticks.  
  
The acrobat leaned to her right, checking to see that the woman who'd brought their food had gone. "So..." her voice trailed off. "You didn't really tell Azula you wanted to meet with me, did you." she said simply, free to speak with much less restraint now that they'd be alone and and any potential for their discussion being eavesdropped upon was gone.  
  
Zuko was taken aback - he hadn't ever seen Ty Lee ever show cognizance of Azula's duplicity. The directness of her statement seemed rather uncharacteristic of her, far removed from the usual giggling gossip, emotional auras, flowers and other such things that Zuko usually overheard from the pink girl.  
  
A pause.  
  
"No." he answered honestly, relieved that the girl in front of him wasn't a blind agent of his sister's machinations but also on some level _concerned_ that his denial would bring an end to their time together, and any possibility that he'd actually get to follow through with what Azula had offered. Though on some level, Zuko felt _in-control_ of things again, no longer being strung along by his sister, which was in it of itself a big relief.  
  
"Oh" she sounded dejected.  
  
"But..." Zuko struggled to find the words, his mouth having moved at much greater speed than his mind. "I..." he trailed off, almost regretting opening his mouth. "I still want to do it." he settled on, not wanting to say _it_ but also not wanting to say nothing at all.  
  
"Really?" she asked, looking up, not yet letting herself be excited but still with a faint smile showing.  
  
"Yeah" Zuko answered quietly, not sure of his own words.  
  
"I think it's really great that you want to play dress-up with me" she said honestly with a full smile, though somewhat careful to keep her voice down from its usual cheerful maximum, as Zuko probably didn't want anyone _else_ hearing that. Though while she thought the reasons for such feelings were silly, she understood them completely. For some reason it simply wasn't _ok_ for boys to indulge their imaginations by dressing up. Instead their make-believe was dominated by _fighting_ and other such games. Which was endearing, in a lot of boys, though you could tell that some of them deep down didn't like it. Zuko's aura had always been different like that.  
  
She leaned forward, still smiling. "Why don't you tell me what you want to be?"  
  
The prince swallowed too soon and was rewarded with a rather unfortunate sensation in his throat. "I, uh.."  
  
' _I wanted to look like you_ '  
  
The words he spoke to Azula still haunted him. A princess. He wanted to be a princess. Just like his dream, just like Azula.  
  
_Admitting that_ (even to himself) felt strange, even though only yesterday it was him who had taken the bull by the horns and actually made it a reality. But for reasons beyond Zuko's comprehension, admitting that very same thing to Ty Lee, what he had revealed to Azula was harder than actually _doing it_. Had he even been cognizant of his own actions that day? The memory of being discovered was crisp as the morning air, but everything before that was unclear, obscured by a mental fog. It wasn't a decision Zuko had really considered in such conscious detail. He had just done it.  
  
It was almost insanity, to question why one would do such a thing when he himself had been the one to do it. You'd think that you'd consider such things as _Princes aren't supposed to be Princesses_ and _Brothers aren't supposed to want to be their sisters_... _before_ one actually goes ahead and does such a thing. And yet perhaps such cautious self-scrutiny was exactly why Azula was the perfect favorite and Zuko was the almost-forgotten laggard - the difference between well-considered judgments and haphazard actions that frequently landed him in all kinds of trouble.  
  
Zuko decided he was going to let his judgment win this time. Just this once.  
  
"I don't know" he lied, after downing his tall glass of pomegranate juice entirely. "I haven't really thought about it." Zuko spoke hurriedly, as he often did when spilling out untruths. It was a stupid lie. _She's been sitting there the whole time, you idiot! She just saw you think about it_  
  
Though if Ty Lee noticed anything, she certainly didn't verbalize it. "That's okay!" she affirmed, again with that smile of hers that likely would have been contagious under different circumstances. "You don't have to be any specific thing, you can just try things out. See what you like!" Ty Lee offered, remembering all the times she'd tried on things she'd never done before in the hopes at finding a new and unique style. Something to distinguish herself, yet not improper so to fly under the parental radar.  
  
Zuko let out a sigh of relief. "You can do that?" he asked.  
  
Ty Lee giggled. "Of course! The three of us do it all the time." she affirmed, even though _her_ interest in make-believe greatly dwarfed that of both her friends. "Why don't you come with me to the guest room? We have all kinds of things there for when the three of us have sleepovers." the pink girl explained.  
  
"But don't you sleepover in Azula's room?"  
  
"We do" Ty Lee nodded. "But Azula doesn't like it when we.." she paused to think up her next words. "Mess with her order. We're not allowed to use her vanity, unless for special emergencies!"  
  
"Emergencies, what are-" Zuko managed to say before getting cut off by Ty Lee, her hand tugging at his wrist.  
  
"Come on, it's just this way!" she urged, practically pulling him along.  
  
Ty Lee led the Fire Prince by his hand out the way he had come, leaving the little food that remained on the table for the servants to clean. This time, however, Zuko's body didn't protest in going to where he'd been told, walking in lockstep with Ty Lee.  
  
"What did you mean by emergency?" he asked, speaking quietly as if they were spies having a secret conversation.  
  
She giggled again. "Oh you know, something smears or a broken nail or soy sauce on your lips..." she trailed off. "An emergency!"  
  
Zuko didn't quite understand what she meant or how such things would constitute an emergency, but he nodded as they approached the door, which was situated not far from Azula's own room on the western wing of the palace. "So, the guest-"  
  
Ty Lee put a hand over his lips. "Don't worry, Azula said that nobody is going to disturb us. It'll be just you and me" she assured him, patting his hair playfully (to which Zuko couldn't help but respond with a mild blush).  
  
Inside, the curtains had already been closed, candles and lanterns lit. The room looked to be much like Azula's own, minus the meticulous order and plus a few stray garments. Though Ty Lee led him to the main attraction - the large ensuite had been practically converted into a prep room, with wardrobes and dressers practically spilling with things he couldn't imagine, and a vanity lined with all kinds of colorful bottles and vials, not to mention the largest mirror he had ever seen that started on the floor and went almost all the way up to the ceiling.  
  
Zuko had the sudden urge to slap himself. Had he paid more attention and discovered this place, there may very well have been no need to try Azula's room: the error that got him discovered.  
  
"I know, it's a lot" Ty Lee said, clearly bubbling with an odd mix of both enthusiasm and pride. "Do you see anything you like?"  
  
Some things he liked, yes... and a _lot_ of things he didn't even have words for. Garments he had never seen or heard about, liquids and powders he didn't recognize or fathom a purpose. Some of which were attributable to the pink girl in front of him, others clearly more suited for her friend Mai, and many more which were in between. There was probably enough stuff in here for someone to wear a completely different outfit for every day of the year, and still have some left over, Zuko figured. He had never seen or imagined this much clothing and accessory in one place.  
  
"What are those?" he asked, choosing to sate his own curiosity first.  
  
"Nail Polish" she answered. "You put it on your nails, you can make them have all kinds of a pretty colors!"  
  
"And what about that one?" he asked, this time pointing to a more spherical bottle containing a nearly-clear liquid.  
  
Ty Lee grabbed the bottle and pressed down on some kind of toggle, spraying some of it on herself. "It makes you smell like roses" she answered, though the words were mostly unnecessary now that the scent had reached the Fire Prince, who sniffed a few times to fully appreciate it.  
  
"Do you like it?" she asked, noticing Zuko's own thoughtful expression.  
  
He considered for a moment. "Yeah" he answered honestly. "I guess." Zuko finished, contemplating for a moment. He had heard the word _perfume_ before, but seeing (or rather smelling) them in action was a different, to be sure. _Smelling like roses,_ it had a certain allure to it that he couldn't quite place, one that he hadn't felt until right now.  
  
"I suppose you didn't come here for roses, did you?" Ty Lee asked with a smile, again misunderstanding the swirling colors in the boy's aura. "Do you want to try something on?" she smiled. "I know it's probably a little girly for-"  
  
"No" he interrupted. "I mean yes. I mean...." he blushed again. "I really did like it" he repeated, sensing that his uncertainty had dissuaded Ty Lee. It was certainly true that he _had_ come here to dress himself with new and exciting things, but that didn't mean that that was everything there was to do.  
  
"Really?" she looked up, startled by the admission - even moreso by the tone in his voice and shades in his aura confirming his words. "Sorry, I thought that um..." it was Ty Lee's turn to blush, for once not having all the words she felt she needed. "Would you like it?" she offered.  
  
Zuko was taken aback for a second, not immediately realizing her meaning. "You mean I could, uh. That's okay?"  
  
Ty Lee smiled. "Sure! We have plenty of spares." she gestured to the overflowing vanity and its various drawers with a giggle. "Plus it's always nice to help a girl out!" she said cheerfully, before her face scrunched up like a puppy. "...friend, sorry." Her cheeks again flushed with red as she watched the colors in her friend's aura explode with opposing tinges of every shade.  
  
Zuko did his best to fight off the blood rushing to his head and the weird sensation in his stomach. "Thank you" he managed, somehow very pleased with the outcome. He hadn't expected to take anything back with him, but now that the reality was right there in front of him he couldn't help but feel elated at the prospect.  
  
Though his mind nagged at him to do what he came here to do, his attention had been snatched completely from the array of clothing behind him to the assortment of bottles in front of him. "Do you paint your nails?" he asked. While Zuko knew that his sister at one point colored hers scarlet (though she stopped some time ago, for some reasons), and he could recognize the Mai's midnight black anywhere, he hadn't previously paid attention to Ty Lee's own nails which were at the moment free of any polish.  
  
"Sometimes." Ty Lee answered. "Not as much as I used to. If you do a pattern it can be a lot of work when one of them gets chipped." she explained, remembering that when she was younger her and Azula used to paint eachother's practically as a tradition - until one day they stopped and Ty Lee was made to do it on their own.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Mmm?" The pink girl tilted her head at Zuko's inquiry, before breathing in sharply. "Oh! Um.. the polish as very hard, and sometimes some of it breaks off and you have to do it over again." she explained. "It happens a lot during practice. And..." her smile turned into an almost guilty grin. "I'm a little bit of a nail-biter" she admitted.  
  
Zuko let his hands fall to his side. "Me too" he confessed, somehow reassured by their shared tendency.  
  
"So..." Ty Lee began, sensing the reason for his line of questioning. "Would you like to try? I can do yours, show you how it's done!" she offered, excited at the prospect. She hadn't done a friend's nails in _forever!_  
  
"Is that okay?"  
  
"Of course!" the pink girl squealed, already buzzing at the prospect. "If you like how it looks, I can even give you some to keep! All you need to do is pick a color" she gestured to the scattered array of taller, thinner glass bottles on the vanity.  
  
Of all the difficult things Prince Zuko imagined he'd be doing today, _picking a color_ wasn't one of them. He didn't want to go with the traditional reds and crimsons of his country, though that was what he had always been given to wear for the most part. What would his nails look like in green? or orange? or violet? He could scarcely imagine them any other way they were now. What if he picked the wrong one?  
  
"Don't worry!" Ty Lee assured, noticing the disturbance returning to his aura as the boy tried to select his first color. "If you don't like how it looks, you can always take it off and try another."  
  
"What do you think would look good?" he asked, still not sure what to choose.  
  
"Well..." Ty Lee considered, running her fingers across the colorful caps of each bottle. "Why not **rose**!" she exclaimed, picking out a bottle and holding it up for him to see. "It would match the perfume." Ty Lee explained.  
  
Zuko examined the color, which appeared to be some kind of cross between pink and purple. "Aren't roses red?" he asked, curious but definitely not disapproving of the color.  
  
"Not all of them!" she squealed. "Roses come in all kinds of cute colors. Reds and purples and pinks and yellows and whites. You can even get ones that are almost black! Mai really likes those. You should come with me to the Ilah gardens sometimes, there are so many flowers and trees with pretty blossoms. Every once and a while I see a flower that reminds me of a friend and I take it with me! It's so quiet there too, you can do anything you want. Azula and I used to go there all the time until she lit that rhododendron on fire..." she trailed off, barely giving Zuko a chance to think. "Well, do you like it?"  
  
"I think it looks nice" he answered honestly, though still processing all of Ty Lee's information. _Rose._ It sounded delightful. Pretty. _Matching_. Like something his dream-self would have. Not traditional, though not flamboyant. "I want to try it"  
  
Ty Lee pulled the chair in front of the vanity and then another from somewhere else in the room for herself.  
  
"So, what do you think you want to wear with this?" she asked, pulling out some kind of rough metal and grabbing his left hand, running it across the edges of his meager nails presumably to smooth them down. "Rose will go with a lot of things!" she said enthusiastically  
  
"I'm not sure" Zuko replied nervously, watching Ty Lee go to the other hand once his left nails were equal in length. As nervous as he was the first time she asked, Zuko felt at ease enough to actually give an answer - or part of one, at least. "There's a color, I don't know what it's called, but I know what it looks like." he explained. "It's sort of like green, but it's not"  
  
The pink girl finished filing his other hand and opened the 'Rose'-colored bottle, releasing a sharp scent that quickly permeated the room. "Ooh! I'm great with colors." she exclaimed, grabbing his left hand again. "Hold still."  
  
Prince Zuko watched as Ty Lee spread the lacquer across his thumbnail, immediately giving it a purple shine. He almost wanted to examine it from multiple angles, to get a feel for how it would look, but he managed to comply with her request to stay still.  
  
"So" Ty Lee spoke again. "Is it sort of a darker green or a lighter green?"  
  
"More of a darker one." he answered.  
  
Ty Lee progressed to his middle finger. "Does it look like lime?" she asked, dipping the brush in a second time for a thicker coat.  
  
"Not really."  
  
"Hmm. What about Deep-Sea Green?"  
  
Zuko refrained from scratching his head. "What's that?"  
  
"Umm" she searched for the words. "It's the color you get when the sea has a lot of that plant stuff, umm" she struggled to remember what they had taught her in school. "Algae. I think."  
  
He nodded. "Oh. Um, no, it didn't look like that."  
  
Ty Lee smiled. "What didn't look like that? If it exists I probably know what color it is!" she exclaimed as she worked to finish off the pinkie finger.  
  
"Oh, um..." Zuko trailed off, privately scolding himself for not thinking about what would happen if Ty Lee asked about where he saw it. "I don't remember."  
  
Ty Lee decided to ignore the deceptive violet in his aura. "Okay. So did it have a kind of brown mixed in?"  
  
"Yeah"  
  
"What about Hazel?" she asked as she finished applying the polish on his left hand. "Ooh. Don't move it yet." she cautioned.  
  
Zuko did his best to comply despite the urge to scratch an itch on his nose. "I'm not sure."  
  
She paused, putting down the bottle of rose for a moment and reaching for another. "Like this?" she asked, holding up a bottle of **hazel-green** nail paint.  
  
"Yeah!" He exclaimed. "Almost exactly like that." Zuko looked at the bottle quizzically, and then back at Ty Lee. "Wait, why does it shine like that?"  
  
"Oh, umm." she searched for the long word that Azula had told her. "It's Ear-rih-dess-ant" Ty Lee sounded out each syllable while twisting the bottle in her hand to demonstrate the effect, causing the light from the bottle to shimmer and change in hue. "It means it changes color a little depending on how you look at it."  
  
Zuko had never seen such a thing before, it was almost mesmerizing. "Is mine... iridescent?" he struggled briefly with the new word.  
  
"Just shiny!" Ty Lee smiled, putting the bottle of hazel back in its place and turning her attention to the other hand. "I think it suits you too."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yeah!" she answered honestly as she worked. "It reminds me of your Aura, kind of. It kind of looks like a rose sometimes." Zuko blushed. "It has a little of that now! I've never seen anything like it." she explained, having truthfully given a decent amount of thought to Zuko's mystery aura. Every other color she'd been able to identify, except this one.  
  
Zuko went silent for a moment as Ty Lee continued her work. He had heard of her and her _auras_ before. Azula certainly made a point to declare such an ability impossible, and it made sense. Could someone really _see_ emotions, thoughts? It seemed a little far-fetched for Zuko. Despite that his curiosity got the better of him.  
  
"Can you really see them?" he asked. "Auras, I mean."  
  
"I've been able to see them since I was little." she answered. "Though it's okay if you don't believe me. No-one does. Not even Azula" Ty Lee reassured, not looking up from Zuko's right index finger.  
  
Zuko was relieved by such a comment. He really wasn't sure he really believed her. Zuko used to play make-believe all the time, to pretend he had special powers. Everyone did at some point. _Except Azula_.  
  
"What's it like? Can you read people's minds?" he asked. Somewhat out of curiosity, somewhat out of skepticism, and... somewhat out of fear.  
  
"No." Ty Lee said simply, before looking up as she finished with the last nail on the right hand. "It's more like reading energies. I can tell how you feel. Um..." what was the word. "Empathy."  
  
Zuko attempted to withdraw his hands, only to feel a surprisingly firm grip stop him in his tracks. "Hold still, silly! I'm not done."  
  
"But-"  
  
Ty Lee shook her head. "I need to apply a top coat. And I..." she grinned. "I spilled some." she pointed to some splotches of color on the skin bordering his nails. "...without the top coat, they won't have a full shine, and they won't last as long."  
  
Zuko's golden eyes widened. "Wait." he urged, suddenly realizing that he might have to go to dinner with this stuff on his fingers for his whole family to see. "I'll be able to take this stuff off, right!?"  
  
Ty Lee giggled again. "Of course!" she reassured, grabbing a similarly shaped bottle of clear liquid. "I'll give you a bottle of remover and some pads after we're done. You can take it off any time." she explained, not even bothering to ask why someone would want to take off polish that looked so pretty on them, and instead moving towards his left hand to apply the next coat.  
  
"So..." he trailed off. "You can see energy?" Zuko asked, more as a hook for more conversation than an actual question.  
  
"Yep! Each energy has its own different color. And when they mix together, they mean different things." she explained. "I try to make my aura very pink! That one means you're really happy." Ty Lee smiled, as if to somehow demonstrate the emotion. "Though there are many others. The crimson of passion. The blood red of anger, and the indigo of fear! Some of them are scary, some of them are happy, and some of them are in-between. I try to make all my friends have very happy colors!"  
  
Zuko let out a genuine smile. "What color is mine?" he asked  
  
Ty Lee altered her gaze until she seemed to be staring right through him. "Yours is a whole mix of colors." she replied. "I see white, yellow, rose... a little bit of lime and lilac" A pause. "And indigo. It's very turbulent." Ty Lee looked up from Zuko's hands, having finished applying the top coat. "Don't touch anything." she instructed. "It needs to dry, otherwise any touch will ruin it."  
  
"What does rose mean?"  
  
"I don't know" she said. "I've never seen it before."  
  
Zuko took a moment to consider briefly. "Does that happen often?"  
  
"Not really" Ty Lee admitted. "I've figured out every other color. Sometimes it's hard to tell what two colors together means, but I've only ever seen rose in your aura. It's covered up by the other colors, so I can't really tell what it means."  
  
"And you've only ever seen it in me?" he asked, that particular piece of trivia seeming more fiction than fact.  
  
Ty Lee looked down. "Well..." a pause. "I might have seen it once before. But I'm probably misremembering!"  
  
"Whe-"  
  
"Really, it's not important. It was kind of silly of me to think I had figured every single color out." she lied with a smile. "Do you like your nails?"  
  
Zuko gave Ty Lee a funny look before angling his head down to view his freshly-painted nails. They did look good. Much better than Zuko had expected when Ty Lee had first explained the process of nail-painting. She had been right about two things, certainly: the color _did_ suit him, and the second coating definitely added a sheen to them which was pleasing in a way that was difficult to describe. Like the surface of a mirror, lacking totally in imperfections.  
  
That, and he had never had anything of that color before. It was bright and _pretty._  
  
Zuko nodded. "I think they're great." he said, still turning his hands length and widthwise to see how it looked from different angles, finding faults in none of them.  
  
Ty Lee gave a wide smile at that, refraining only barely from giving him a big hug. "Great! I'm so happy we found something for you." she said, positively energized by the outcome. "...unfortunately by the time they dry it'll be time to wrap-up, sorry." she apologized, feeling bad that she had encouraged something that would keep Zuko from enjoying all the aspects of a good game of dress-up. "But if you want I can try a few things on to show you how they'd look. Didn't you want to try something with hazel?" Ty Lee offered.  
  
"Oh" Zuko sounded more disappointed than he was. "Well.."  
  
"I know, it's not the same" she admitted. "But we can always do this again later, though! Azula said if you liked it we could make it a regular thing." Ty Lee offered, standing up and beginning to sift through some hangars.  
  
Zuko's ears perked at the notion. "...she did?" he asked, almost disbelieving that she would say such a thing. It was as if Azula had woken up today a different person entirely.  
  
"Of course! I love dressing up and giving makeovers." she exclaimed with a wide smile. "And Azula said you wouldn't have wanted to do it with her, soo... you get me!"  
  
Zuko nodded, not really feeling he had his question answered, but also knowing asking again probably wouldn't get him a better one. Everything else aside, he was very grateful to Ty Lee for having been given the chance to do this. Learning to look like a princess couldn't happen in one sitting, he supposed. Knowing there would be future sessions for him took a lot of the pressure away. "I'd like that" he said, looking down at his nails again.  
  
"Great! Maybe we can find some time next week? Mai and I are coming to sleep over again." she planned it out in her head as she pulled a garment out of a dresser drawer. "Hmm. Not too many greens like that in the Fire Nation" Ty Lee mused, holding out a shawl with frilled ends, its color not dissimilar to the one in Zuko's dream. "But I did find this. It'll go fine with your nails or what you're wearing now but..." she held it up in front of them. "It clashes when you have all three."  
  
"What do you mean it clashes?"  
  
"Oh! Umm..." Ty Lee considered for a moment. "The colors don't go well together if you were to have all three of these. The red and the rose are in harmony, and the red and the hazel are in harmony, but they're not the same kind."  
  
The mention of _harmony_ reminded Zuko of Pai Sho, a game that perpetually hounded him with its complicated rules and strategy. _Jasmine forms harmony with Lily and Rhododendron, but clashes with Rose. Pay attention, Prince Zuko_. He always managed to forget what went with what no matter how 'simple' everyone insisted it was. They placed the six flowers in a ring and showed him how each one went with the ones to each side but it never 'clicked'. Zuko always forgot by the next week, though he asked it to be explained again every time anyway.  
  
"What types are they?" he asked not really expecting to understand the answer, his mind having already been overheated from all the previous talk about colors and auras, but curious nonetheless.  
  
"Well, Rose is really close to red, but is sorta the opposite to hazel" she explained, happy to delve into the complicated art of matching colors. "Likes and opposites like being together. But not at the same time. It creates an imbalance, sort of."  
  
Zuko resisted the urge to scratch his head. "Opposites go together?"  
  
"Of course! Think of it like..." Ty Lee smiled, choosing just the right analogy. "Two friends. Opposites might fight sometimes, but they make up for each other's weaknesses, because whatever weakness one has the other has the same thing as a strength! They make a good team because they fill eachother's gaps. Like yin and yang." she explained, wrapping the shawl around herself and twirling in front of the mirror.  
  
"And if there's a third friend, they won't be balanced anymore?" Zuko clarified, almost surprised he understood Ty Lee's analogy at all.  
  
"Very good!" she praised. "It would be like having too many pieces in a puzzle. You end up with extra ones which you don't know what to do with."  
  
Zuko nodded, feeling extremely pleased with himself that he understood something of this nature. "So I guess I need to pick a different color, huh"  
  
"Don't be silly!" Ty Lee teased. "You can pick as many different colors as you want! My favorite color ever is pink, but I wear other things all the time. Just whatever I feel would look good on me. So, if you really like this color you could wear something greener to match it, or you could use a different color on your nails. And then, another day when you want to have red and rose together, you just leave your hazel things in the dresser."  
  
"Oh" Zuko replied, feeling silly all of the sudden, that same feeling he got when he asked which tiles jasmine went with for the umpteenth time. "Sorry for asking so many stupid questions. I'm uh, not very good with these types of things." he apologized, self-conscious about the fact that almost the entire time had been spend answering his queries regarding colors and auras and strange bottles on the vanity.  
  
She smiled. "Aww, don't be sorry Zuko. You can ask as many questions as you want! And they're not stupid, everyone asks these questions at some point." she assured him, remembering that not too long ago it was her who was studiously asking and reading so she could look just that little bit prettier than her sisters, and later the girls at the academy.  
  
Ty Lee examined the boy's aura noting that bright yellow hadn't yet fully dissipated. "...if it makes you feel any better" she continued. "Azula once asked me all these questions too! You gotta promise to never tell her I said this, but I used to put summer outfits together for her because she didn't know what to do with things that weren't red" Ty Lee giggled.  
  
The thought couldn't help but make Zuko smile. "Really?"  
  
"Yep! Everyone has to start from somewhere. You can't learn if you don't ask!" she exclaimed, happy to see the yellows of anxiety vanquished from her friend's aura.  
  
And, just as Ty Lee had surmised with her sixth sense, Zuko definitely felt more at ease from that point on. The fear and indecision he had felt in the palace courtyard felt far away now, replaced by a slow-growing contentment as she showed him garment after garment, each one different than the last. _Yukata. Shawl. Blouse. Hanfu. Obi. Mantle._ So many words, so many variations that Zuko had never previously paid much mind too. It was captivating in a way that he didn't know how to describe.  
  
Zuko had been wrong to compare it all to Pai Sho. Compared to this, Pai Sho was crudely simplistic. He had never heard so many unfamiliar things compressed in such a short period of time, only to realize that they were barely scratching the surface. Not that Ty Lee didn't do a very good job at breaking things down into terms he _did_ , understand (quite the opposite, she explained things better than most teachers at the Fire Academy), just that Zuko felt he was being given insight into a whole new world he never even knew existed. It had its own language and its own culture that he wanted nothing more than to learn more about (though Zuko knew that he'd probably forget half of what he'd been taught by tomorrow). He found himself asking for things to be repeated and elaborated on when, had the subject been something else, he may have nodded and pretended he understood.  
  
At the very least now he felt like he understood on some level why Ty Lee had spent most of her morning getting ready. Just the 'basics' were enough to make his head spin already. Did every girl lead a life so complicated? Zuko idly wondered. Not that he didn't have an eye for the results, but he couldn't imagine dedicating _hours_ to things such as these when ten minutes was more than enough to make him impatient.  
  
As everything drew to a close Zuko's curiosity was beginning to be supplanted by a growing disappointment. He'd been hoping there'd be some quick way, a lever he could pull, to make him look the way he had in his dream. It wasn't really that surprising, he supposed. If it were really that easy for a prince to look a princess, surely he would have seen or heard of such a thing before. Was he really ready spend that much time, learning all of this, just to dress up every once in a while?  
  
"Hey, so..." a voice drew him from his thoughts. "It's time to go, sorry. Azula said it was important that we didn't go over a couple hours" she continued, much to the relief of Zuko who by this point was having a hard time keeping up. "But it's been fun!"  
  
"Yeah." Zuko agreed, his tone not matching his words despite his honesty. "Thank you."  
  
"You're welcome!" The Fire Prince stood awkwardly as Ty Lee reached for a few bottles and grabbed something out of an overflowing drawer, placing it along with a few other items in a box before holding it out to him. "Here you go!" she said cheerfully. "There's some remover in here too. When you want to take the polish off, add some to a cotton swab and use it to rub your nails." she explained. "Though, you should keep it. It looks really pretty on you"  
  
Zuko felt like blushing again as Ty Lee complimented his nails for a second time. Even though he hadn't done anything himself to achieve the look his hands now bore, he felt an odd sense of pride in knowing that there was at least one part of him that looked the way he had imagined. The negative thoughts that had visited him moments before dissipated.  
  
"Oh and one last thing" she said as she opened the door for them to leave. "If you try to put on some polish yourself, make sure you don't do it over the carpet or any kind of fabric. It's really hard to get out!" she exclaimed. "And if you want a good place to hide the box... try putting it in between a bunch of clothes you never wear in your dresser. That's how I hide things from my sisters!" she explained as they walked through the guest room.  
  
"Thank you" Zuko repeated, extremely thankful for the advice despite the flickers of uncertainty in his voice. It was as if she had read the concerns right out of his mind.  
  
The two of them walked out of the guest room entirely, Ty Lee closing the door behind both of them. "Well, guess this is goodbye!" she said with a smile. "It's been really fun." she said, before twirling around and walking back the way they had originally came.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N:**
> 
> **Sorry for the wait! Thanks for the patience, hope the length is well worth the delay! Ya'll can expect chapters of this kind of length from now on now that I've got my footing in planning the story out.**
> 
> **As a sidenote, any feedback (including criticism, constructive or not!) is appreciated. This is the first fic of this kind I've written like this, and I'm eager to know what ya'll are thinking about it!**
> 
> **~~Claire**


	6. Chapter 6

Despite all appearances, Azula didn't leave the midday rendezvous with her brother in a much better state than he did. While Zuko was busy making his decision, his sister was steeling herself for a completely different but similarly difficult task of her own: she had to impress her father.  
  
Not that the Fire Princess hadn't ever done such a thing before. On the contrary, her ability to do so consistently was exactly why her brother envied her as he did, and exactly why the Firelord's ire fell unto him and not her. It wasn't that Azula lacked confidence in her ability - no, she was quite sure that this particular move would earn her praise and reverence as her forms always managed to do. She'd tell him that she'd 'just' worked it out as she always did when she showed him something new, even though as usual she'd been practicing it to perfection for quite some time. It's amazing how a little preparation can make words like 'prodigy' and 'dragonblood' flow like water.  
  
No, it was what happened afterwards that gave Azula pause. If there was one thing that the great Firelord Ozai despised, it would be idle subordinates. Every increase in ability was met with a proportional increase in responsibility. No real reward or congratulations, no time to rest on her laurels. Instead, the stakes were raised. New tutors, new forms to memorize and master, another skipped grade level, another leave from the academy for 'practical combat education' on the front (Azula still cringed at the memory of her twelve year old self giving orders to grown men who hadn't yet decided whether to laugh or listen).  
  
However showing off whatever she learned in a mighty display of power to the surprise of everyone around her provided a thrill, a rush. By the time she had showed off her now-famous azure flame that had made her the talk of the nation, Azula was hooked. Addicted. But after each rush, came a period of withdrawal. Each improvement was wrought with the fact that everyone around her would begin to expect _more_ from the great fire prodigy. Her actions today (in combination with the fast-approaching reopening of the Fire Academy) would likely mean that she would be pushed even further.  
  
She just hoped that one day, the great Azula would become perfect and she wouldn't have to improve any more. That every day father would look upon her with that very same expression of pride as he did on that fateful day with the blue flame.  
  
Though for the moment, she'd just have to do her best to enjoy the fun - she already had a dramatic performance planned to keep the old man away from Zu-zu. It was far too late to back out now, anyway.  
  
**_Knock knock_**  
  
Her knuckles landed twice on the hard mahogany doors to the Firelord's office. Not too quiet as to be meek, but not too loud as to sound urgent or demanding, either. Not that she'd want to sound so even if it were appropriate - the longer this took the better.  
  
"Come in." sounded an irritated voice from the other side, an invitation, to which Azula responded by opening the door to find her father sitting crooked on his chair behind an unsurprisingly tidy desk. When he had ascended to the throne, his advisors had desperately tried to maintain the usual mess of paperwork that had sat there since Azulon had become too old to fight. The newly-crowned Firelord Ozai had none of it, however, instead directing those who wanted to court his attention to the audience chamber. The slim number of papers that remained here for today represented the absolute limit of what couldn't be outsourced to others.  
  
It had its benefits, she had to admit. The lords and ladies of the fire isles became much less liberal with their spurious suggestions and requests now that they couldn't simply send a messenger hawk to get them heard. Though as Azula grew older, she began to see the inefficiencies of directing so much to in-person audiences and underlings. The Fire Nation was a world-spanning empire now, and those who had genuine need to speak to their Firelord weren't always so nearby.  
  
Her thoughts aside, Azula was appreciative of the fact that she caught him in his office, since he usually didn't spend much time in it. Outside of here or the throne room, Firelord Ozai could often be a hard man to find.  
  
"Father" she bowed her head, waiting for permission to speak as was appropriate when standing behind the Firelord's desk, family or not.  
  
"Azula." he smiled, genuinely happy to see her. "Just the girl to brighten a man's day. Everything go well with your studies this morning?"  
  
"Yes, Father" she said levelly, neglecting to mention that she had sent Master Jiahao away to make room for Ty Lee's unplanned visit. Of course, he would report that she had attended her two-hour lesson at dawn as he always did.  
  
The Firelord seemed pleased with her answer, obviously not having expected anything to the contrary. Azula was nothing if not studious - Ozai didn't have a single doubt in his mind that she could and would achieve everything she wanted to do, complete every task and defeat every enemy put before her. "And what brings you here to this dreary place, my Daughter? It couldn't be to see me could it?" he said with a slight grin.  
  
Azula couldn't help but smile back at her father. "I have something I want to show you." she said, doing her best to keep her voice steady between the anticipation and the childish fear that he might somehow detect her ulterior motive for picking this day and time. Somehow though, her father's prideful look at seeing her succeed never failed to turn her insides to jelly - and so near the end her tone fluctuated and her smile grew wider betraying her expectation.  
  
"How delightfully enigmatic" Ozai replied simply, pushing some papers he hadn't really been looking at aside. "To the arena?" he asked, his face revealing his own emotions: his daughter may have yet turned a day of boredom into one of excitement.  
  
The Fire Princess shook her head. "No." she answered. The wide open spaces of the Agni Kai Arena were optimal for many kinds of demonstrations. Whips and lashes of flame, bolts of lightning even - but not this kind. "I was hoping you would take me to the throne room instead" she explained.  
  
"Ah I see, showing the old man how you'll look in his chair, hmm?" he mused, getting up and out from behind the desk, secretly wondering what it was Azula wanted to show him in the empty throne room and audience chamber. "Very well." Ozai finished, trying his best to sound exasperated even though truthfully he had little to look forward to today aside from perhaps catching up with Delan over drinks, _if_ somehow he could get out of another painful family dinner (doubtful).  
  
Azula kept quiet as she followed her father to the very heart of the palace, working simply to keep her breaths even. If anything else, she'd need it for what she was about to attempt. This particular effort, while one she had been practicing for a very long time, required great concentration and control even by her own standards. She didn't even turn to look at the portraits of Firelord's past as they walked through the gallery, instead focusing on the steady rhythm of their footfalls, using them to time each inhale and exhale.  
  
With a dramatic waving of his arms, Ozai spread the thick curtains that obscured the entrance to the chamber, allowing the two of them to pass without walking through fabric.  
  
The throne room, which likely hadn't even been entered today became almost pitch black upon the curtains closing behind them. Only her father and the faint glint of the dragon throne were clearly visible, everything else being smears of black and grey. Azula maintained her breathing.  
  
"So, what is it you want to show me in here?" the Firelord asked, turning to her expectantly. Ozai was perplexed, he had to admit. Part of him thought he might be the victim of some kind of joke and Azula wanted to have a little fun rather than demonstrate Firebending forms. He could scarcely imagine what his daughter would need in here that couldn't be found elsewhere.  
  
"Can you give us some light, Father?" Azula asked, as rehearsed.  
  
Ozai clenched his fists and without delay the torches on each pillar flickered to life, finally allowing them to see eachother clearly again.  
  
"And the burners."  
  
Again, with a clench of his fist the oil and wood hidden below the raised dais of the throne ignited, and the wall of dancing flames that separated royalty from those below them began to burn. Even as a prince who had spent his share of time on the other side of the wall, Ozai always had an appreciation for the new throne. It had a way of adding a little spring to everyone's step.  
  
Azula however wasn't paying much attention to the light, or on father's perplexed look. Her focus was on the flame. While it wasn't necessary to close her eyes - she did anyway, for this wasn't something she was willing to fail.  
  
She could feel the heat around her. The twelve torches lining the pillars. The wall of fire that stood before the unoccupied throne. And quieter, she could feel her father's inner fire right next to her own, raging with curiosity and anticipation.  
  
One by one the Fire Prodigy reached out to those flames, making them hers. She could feel the wild, uncontrolled flames which burned without regard for anything bend to her will. One by one they became colder, their rhythm slowing to match her own. One by one they turned blue. They became Azula's.  
  
She opened her eyes to find her father's looking back, occasionally turning to steal glances of the transformed flame. The astonishment in his golden gaze was clear, clear enough to make her heart flutter with pride to the point where she almost lost control and let the room go back to its natural orange-and-yellow hue. She continued her breathing.  
  
"Azula-" Ozai practically stuttered. He had seen the azure flame before. Agni, the whole damned nation had heard about it by now, but _this_ was new. Before her flames had always fallen back to normal once they had left her body. She couldn't maintain their superior heat for long, let alone _other_ flame that wasn't her own. But now she could. "You never cease to amaze me." he said in total awe, taking a few steps on the well polished floor and taking in the azure room, reflections of the flame everywhere making the throne room seem positively electric.  
  
It was destiny, it had to be. The spirits had granted him Azula as an act of providence. In a way he _had_ been right earlier - though it wasn't an act of selfishness on Azula's part, it was Agni's will that had brought the two of them together today. The audience chamber was destined to look like this after his passing - it was just as the Fire Sages had said. ' _-a bloodline of great power, one that would ensure a dynasty that lasted centuries._ '  
  
"It's time something changed." Ozai announced suddenly, causing flickers of yellow to appear briefly in the corners of the wall of flame.  
  
Azula swallowed.  
  
"You are the heir of power the great prophecy predicted. Your brother is weak, it's time you took his place." he declared. "You are to be my Crown Princess, Azula. You'll be my right hand and rule over the Fire Nation after I am gone." Ozai finished, finally breaking his gaze from the blue flame to look back at Azula, who looked overcome with surprise.  
  
The flames again flickered yellow. Inhale. Exhale.  
  
"I'm honored, Father." she said with her head bowed as was appropriate. Though even as Azula said the words she wasn't sure she meant them entirely. Father was proud of her, and that meant more than anything... but-  
  
_This was exactly what I was afraid of._ Only worse. When Zuko made a mistake, he never heard the end of it - for he was the firstborn, the _Crown Prince._ He had big shoes to fill, which made it all the more disappointing when he inevitably failed to meet the expectations set before him. Azula, on the other hand was the spare. A second-born daughter destined for tea ceremony, silk dresses, and a coming of age swiftly followed by a marriage that benefited the crown.  
  
As such, even while father's expectations of her would always be great, society's were decidedly not. Well, until father formalized his substitution. Then she'd not only need to prove herself as a worthy heir to the throne, but also deserving of being given what was her brother's by birthright.  
  
She also had to explain this to...  
  
"Azula?" the voice of the Firelord broke her from her thoughts, the man clearly taken aback by her lack of celebration.  
  
"Apologies Father, I was merely lost in the moment." she said honestly, smiling at Ozai.. "It's what I've always wanted." she assured, again speaking without a hint of dishonesty. Father was right, zu-zu _was_ weak and didn't deserve to command a patrol ship, let alone rule a nation.  
  
"I know." he replied. "Ever since you were a little girl, you wanted to be more than a princess. A ruler, a warrior. That's what you were destined for." he proclaimed, setting his hands upon her shoulders. "And now you're going to get to be one" he said, letting the word _now_ roll off his tongue even though he'd been wanting to do this for some time. He just needed an excuse, something that even the obstinate Fire Sages couldn't ignore. Something like this.  
  
With one triumphant breath Azula cast out her thoughts and feelings, her fears, anxieties, and insecurities. She was going to enjoy the moment - she had hours to unpack it all later if she so wished. How father's latest decision would effect her life isn't important right now. What is important is that he believes her fit to rule his nation, to replace him after he's gone. Certain enough to make her his heir even though she was _thirteen._ And that was something to be proud of.  
  
"Follow me, my daughter." Ozai said smoothly, surprising Azula with a sudden move for the exit.  
  
"Where are we going, Father?" she asked, extinguishing the flames as she walked through the curtains.  
  
Ozai smiled deeply at that. "To tell the Fire Sages I've finally come to my senses!" he explained, walking briskly, imagining the old hag's objections to his demand that they endorse his rite of substitution. The shocked look on their faces as they saw a little girl, free from their ancient mystics perform an act they could only dream of achieving. "That you're an heir of prophecy, an act of providence straight from Agni himself, blessed with your unique power over fire that nobody in history has managed to attain."  
  
_So soon?_ Azula thought to herself, saying nothing of it as this would prove a bigger distraction than she had possibly hoped for. "Of course. What do I need to do, father?" she asked, as was customary.  
  
"Show them what you showed me." he said simply. "The old fools say that to understand flame is to control it. Yet even with all their years of dedication they can't make fire _dance_ like you can. They lack the power, the blood of dragons!" he exclaimed. "Your actions will speak for themselves. True power needs no explanation."  
  
Azula resisted a blush at Ozai's comment, his absolute confidence in her. Somehow, she doubted the Fire Sages would be content in seeing her power over flame without a game of twenty questions afterwards (as they had done when she had shown the blue flame in the first place), but it was the fact that father thought it unnecessary that was important. He believed in her.  
  
The walk to the fire temple was a long one, the fire sage's sanctuary being on the far edge of the caldera to the north of the palace. Their strategic placement there both made the position defensible and allowed the creation of deep catacombs into the caldera's edge that weren't plagued by instability and lavaflow. Azula sometimes wondered if it was a mistake for the palace to be built in the very center, which made it a easily encircled and far more vulnerable to siege weapons.  
  
Of course it was incredibly unlikely that the caldera would ever be put under siege, what with the state of their enemies, but the overconfidence of the placement did bother Azula. The Fire Nation's history was littered with far sturdier fortresses being overcome by foreign barbarians.  
  
One thing _was_ certain in all of this however, the sages were not overjoyed with their Firelord's arrival. As they passed through the gates of the temple she could see men and women scurrying about, some preparing to receive them, others making themselves disappear so they couldn't accrue any of the Firelord's ire.  
  
This pleased Azula (and father too, based on the look on his face) - it was high time that the Fire Sages showed deference to the crown. Far too many times had their support or stubborn lack thereof participated succession crises and civil wars as the Firelords did what they could not. Grandfather, while not having been the greatest conqueror, sure knew how to get a house in order.  
  
Finally, however, an older man came out to greet them. Head Sage Guanyu was a man Azula was quite familiar with. She had been questioned ( _interrogated_ , more accurately) by him many many times, as early as she could remember. Questions she couldn't quite understand when she was younger, questions about her fire and passion.  
  
She hated him. That look he gave her whenever she gave an answer he didn't approve of. For a man who was purportedly dedicated to spirituality and open-mindedness, the sage was awfully dedicated to personal dogmas regarding the source of a firebender's power. When she was younger, he'd tell her the way she thought was wrong, that a true firebender should let their flame be driven by their anger and desire, and that suppressing those things led to weakness.  
  
Of course, she would perform well and give the right answers even though father said it was unnecessary. It would make this process far easier, even though the man's views had weakened somewhat in light of her continued success.  
  
Guanyu led the two of them deeper inside the temple, saying nothing as Ozai explained the reason for his impromptu visit. Once they had reached one of the inner courtyards, the sage left for a moment only to return with a number of other sages, many of which Azula had seen before but was otherwise entirely unfamiliar with.  
  
Azula returned to her breathing. Failure in front of father was one thing, failing publicly for all to see was something else entirely. There were mistakes that Ozai could forgive in private, but in front of others Azula had to be the perfect Princess.  
  
She closed her eyes and let the bewildered undersages light the torches around the courtyard despite the full daylight shining down upon them. She tried not to listen to the sage's mumbling or Ozai's conversation with Guanyu. Instead, Azula focused on the flames and their rhythm once again, repeating the very same feat she performed in the throne room.  
  
Though her actions were the same her audience was not. The sages reacted with surprise greater than her father's, resulting in gasps and expressions of astonishment. It didn't take them long for them to declare her ability something of prophecy. To be honest Azula rather suspected that they just did so because the old hags wanted something to do, but of course she kept such things to herself and did whatever was asked for her, answering every question (even the ones from Guanyu). Though things didn't really get interesting until Ozai demanded that they endorse her claim to the dragon throne.  
  
Prophecy or not, the sages were less than amused with father's request, Guanyu insisting that more time should pass before a Firelord substituted one child for another.  
  
There was much shouting and argument, though Azula didn't stick around to see it. She wanted some time alone and she doubted either Ozai or the sages would notice her missing amidst their verbal war, so Azula left the sage's temple the same way she had come without any announcement. Her walk to the palace was as uneventful as it was boring, there wasn't much to think about nor did she have anyone to talk to.  
  
There was little point in staying. She knew what the outcome would be anyway - the sages independence was a mere shell of what it once was, Azulon having replaced much of the order with loyalists to the throne. Their resistance was a token and would surely give way once Ozai agreed to some minor concession elsewhere.  
  
Instead of speculating as to such a dull play-by-play, Azula withdrew further into her mind as she waited by the fountain, sitting cross legged in her battledress in the grass counting all the changes her Father's latest decision would make to her life. In fact, all dramatics aside, it was probably more productive to count the things that would stay the _same._  
  
Mother would still hate her. This would just be the latest in a long line of reasons.  
  
Mai would still be dull and dreary (and present, for that matter. Her parents would surely still support her regular play-dates to the palace: a marriage with a Fire Prince would do wonders for their family, heir or not).  
  
But her teachers, what little trust she _did_ have with her brother, Uncle, the war council, everyone at the academy... _Ty Lee._  
  
Azula let herself back fall unto the grass, uncrossing her legs and laying flat. She berated herself for having second thoughts. This was her moment of triumph - her hard work had finally paid off! She had proven herself worthy in front of her father, worthy enough that he wanted _her_ to oversee his domain after he was gone. It was what she had always wanted, wasn't it? To rule over the Fire Nation like her brother never could. Now that she was his heir, father would surely spend more time with her, preparing her to rule. He'd give her more of his love.  
  
It was true, all of it. And yet something rang hollow. She imagined herself, sitting upon the dragon throne with a white and blue wall of flame in front of her, just like the one she had made today. Giving orders and granting audiences. Firelord Azula, all on her own.  
  
For some reason the image of her triumph scared her.  
  
"What's wrong, 'Zula?" said the pink girl from above, smiling her usual smile to which Azula couldn't help but return.  
  
"Nothing, Ty Lee" she said instinctively, realizing in the moment that she was lying. Azula sat up, endeavoring to to change the subject to something she was more adequately prepared to discuss. "I take it everything went well with zu-zu?" she asked, more curious than she was probably willing to admit. This particular anomaly in Zuko's behavior was more puzzling than the rest combined.  
  
Ty Lee knelt so the two were at eye-level, taking the opportunity to examine the Princess's aura more closely. "Yep! Things went great, even though he didn't really get to do much dressing up." she said with a giggle. "Though that was kind of my fault."  
  
"How so?"  
  
"Wellll I kindof sortof painted his nails." she explained, hoping Zuko wouldn't mind that she was telling his sister. "He really liked them!" Ty Lee defended herself. "But I probably should have showed him that last."  
  
Azula suppressed a laugh. "Indeed." she said simply, remembering many times in which she had been furious at her nail's inability to quickly dry, before father had forbidden her from painting them altogether. "I suppose he must have been pretty disappointed."  
  
"No, he really enjoyed it! In fact he wants to do it again." Ty Lee exclaimed. "And... I do too" she admitted, having rather enjoyed the opportunity to be Zuko's teacher in the art of color, fashion, and dress-up.  
  
Azula sighed, suddenly feeling the urge to lay back on the grass again "That can be arranged." she said. With the inevitable announcement of her appointment of Crown Princess, Zuko was likely to be ignored all together. Little opportunity for him to be caught dressed in something he shouldn't be. "Tell me, did you find out why Zuko wanted to dress up?"  
  
Ty Lee suppressed a giggle at Azula's question. She asked like Ty Lee were her spy, an undercover agent with orders to extract information. "Oh, I thought you knew!" she replied honestly. "You're the one who set us up, of course."  
  
Azula sighed, remembering that particular deception. As much as she trusted her, Ty Lee didn't need know the _real_ reason she set up their meeting, for as loyal as the girl was she wasn't the best at keeping secrets. "It was just a hunch." she lied through her teeth, again.  
  
"Well..." Ty Lee remembered the color in Zuko's aura.  
  
"You know something?"  
  
"Kind-of" Ty Lee answered. "There was one thing. But I'm not sure what it means." she took a deep breath. "His aura was rose."  
  
Azula crossed her arms, struggling to remember which color rose stood for but coming up with nothing. "Refresh my memory. What does that mean?" she asked, knowing better than to question Ty Lee's system of assigning colors to emotions.  
  
"I don't know." Ty Lee admitted to Azula, just as she admitted to Zuko only thirty minutes earlier.  
  
"You don't know?" the Fire Princess hadn't ever heard that response before.  
  
Ty Lee sighed a rare sigh, suddenly looking anxious, glancing to her left and right before speaking "Well, I've seen it once before." she admitted, quietly "In you."  
  
Golden eyes opened wide. "In me!?" Azula almost blurted out. "When?"  
  
"Can we go inside Azula?" Ty Lee asked, smiling an innocent smile. "I'm cold."  
  
The Fire Princess didn't need the capability to perceive auras to know that her question had made Ty Lee nervous. She doubted that Ty Lee was truly cold, in any real sense. But like with most things involving Ty Lee, Azula had learned not to ask too many questions and trust that whatever it was she was doing had a purpose. Tentatively, she wrapped an arm around the pink girl's waist and warmed it with her inner fire. "Of course" she affirmed, awkwardly standing and leading her to her suite. It was for the best anyway, for the gardens were probably not the best place to break this particular piece of news, least of all to Ty Lee.  


* * *

  
  
An hour had passed since Ty Lee had left and Azula was already steeling herself for what was shaping up to be a very conflict-filled family dinner. Father would surely want to rub his decision in his wife and son's faces, after all seeing those two suffer was a pastime of his (And her's, to some, more minor extent.)  
  
That was, of course, until she heard the door to her chambers swing open and hurried footfalls approach her open bedroom door.  
  
"You couldn't even wait, could you?!" sounded the voice of her mother. "You just had to get yourself declared future Firelord before your coming-of-age."  
  
Azula put down a stick of kohl. "How nice of you to drop by, Mother." Azula remarked, her voice dripping of sarcasm. "How was your day?"  
  
"Wonderful, until your father came barging in with the biggest grin on his face explaining how he finally found an excuse to knock your brother from the totem pole." she answered, not bothering to respond to Azula's mocking cry for decency or to hide the hot resentment from her voice. "Something you just _had_ to show him, some stupid fire trick or whatever it was! And you just _had_ to show those old sages too so that you could finally take the crown from Zuko."  
  
The candles flared as Azula breathed. She hated dealing with mother, especially if it was a fight over something she hadn't even intended to happen. But of course, the witch just couldn't resist making it all about her precious Zu-zu and ignore completely her daughter's achievements. "I suppose you being proud of me would be too much to ask?" she asked, knowing full well the answer was yes.  
  
Ursa almost laughed, stepping forward and pointing an accusatory finger. "Proud of you? For sabotaging your own family at every turn, doing everything but bedding your father to gain his favor - just so you could get the dragon throne after he finally dies?"  
  
Azula sighed, resisting raising her voice to match her mother's (for she'd surely use any anger as ammunition against her) "Listen, mother." she addressed her. "Because I'm not in the mood to repeat myself. I may not be the model sibling. I'm certainly not the kind and compassionate and coddling sister you'd like me to be." she continued, wondering if Ursa would even notice if she did something nice for Zu-zu, which happened more often than she probably realized. "But I've never in any of my years sabotaged little zu-zu. He fell behind on his own accord. If you have a problem with his teachers, take it up with Father - I have no part in their appointment"  
  
"Of course, it's just a coincidence that-"  
  
"Is there a _point_ to your visit, mother?" Azula asked, exasperated. She had heard it all before - she was about to explain how she and Father were involved in some kind of conspiracy to hold Zuko back.  
  
A pause.  
  
Ursa frowned. "I suppose not. Your father won't let me be the one to tell Zuko what you've stolen from him, apparently that's _your_ job, right? All I can do is stand by and watch you two gloat like always."  
  
Azula raised an eyebrow, dropping her exasperated tone as she turned to her mother. "He wants me to tell Zuko at dinner?" she asked, with genuine surprise. Not that she hated the idea of teasing her brother with his own inadequacies, quite the opposite. But Father obviously wanted a show. He wanted Zuko to be blindsided, a deercat in the firelight, as she revealed how the crown had been taken from him. Personally, Azula thought the act was enough - there was scarcely a need to rub salt in the wound when it was raw. The boy had enough to feel bad about as it was.  
  
"Don't even try to act as if you aren't happy" she said, her eyes rolling at what she believed to be feigned ignorance.  
  
The Crown Princess sighed, taking a step back and leaning on the vanity.  
  
"Mother, I don't expect you to believe this" she began, absolutely loathing the idea of uttering anything remotely pleasant to the insufferable hag, part of her wanting to pretend as if it really was all her idea and to rub it in Ursa's face. "It wasn't my idea to show the sages. I won't lie to you and say I never coveted the position that's just been given to me. I deserve it far more than weak zu-zu does, no matter what you say." Azula said coldly. "But I wasn't trying to get it today. I didn't want it. I only..." she trailed off.  
  
"I only wanted to show father something I was proud of." A half truth. "If I had known that this day would have ended as it did, I would have shown him something else" she finished with honesty.  
  
Her mother only scoffed. "You expect me to believe that?"  
  
"No, I expect you to tell father that my feats today have left me quite exhausted and feeling ill, and that I've decided to retire early." she said decisively. "Otherwise, get out before I change my mind" Azula added before Ursa had a chance to respond, not wanting to deal with another one of her accusations of an ulterior motive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A different point-of-view this time. Don't worry, we'll be returning to little Zu-zu next time!


	7. Chapter 7

Zuko looked down at his nails, then up at the bottle of solution. He very much wanted there to be a way around it, but there was not - the pretty rose color had to come off, or his secret would be out. He could skip dinner, but that wouldn't guarantee Mother wouldn't drop by and ask him what was wrong.  
  
Ty Lee's instructions were simple but effective. The solution on some cotton made the color wipe off with only a little bit of pressure, leaving his nails back the way they had been when the day began. Once the box was hidden away in his dresser drawer as she had suggested, Zuko was more than relieved, if a bit disappointed. Every moment he had been imagining someone walking in and asking him what he was doing with his hands. It was frightening, to say the least, reminiscent of the very justified fear he had felt the day before. Nevertheless, another part of him almost wanted someone else to see. Once Ty Lee had gone, he had almost tried to find Azula - only to scold himself for thinking of the idea. Any number of people could be witness to his walks around the palace. What if one of them wondered why his hands were in his pockets, or curled into fists? He would have no way to explain.  
  
Once he was sure all the evidence was hidden away, Zuko made his way to the private dining room where his parents would most likely already be congregating. While normally dinners weren't the most pleasant of experiences, Zuko was looking forward to catching Azula after it was over to thank her for setting everything up with Ty Lee. For once, an offer of hers that turned out to be just that - an offer of help.  
  
Zuko opened the final door. "Look, I told you, she said she was tired."  
  
"I heard you the first time, woman! What I want to know is why you went to speak with her in the first place." Ozai fumed, obviously mad about something. Zuko did his best not to think about it too much as he took his seat and looked over what was being served tonight, obviously not yet moving to grab that fish fillet he was eying without being told he could start.  
  
"She's my _daughter_. I can talk to her whenever I want."  
  
The Firelord scoffed. "Oh, she's your daughter, is she?" he mocked. "Then I must have just _missed you_ at her last evaluation, or last year's awards ceremony, or when she hurt herself trying to conquer lightning. Because as her mother you surely must have attended these important-"  
  
"Oh you stop." She waved her hand dismissively. "I don't go where I'm _not wanted._ " Ursa shot back, opening her mouth to say more before finally noticing Zuko waiting at the table. "Zuko!" she exclaimed, turning away from Ozai (who had clearly stopped listening the moment she opened her mouth anyway.) "How was your day? I haven't seen you." she asked, finally sitting down hoping that her husband's plans would be abandoned now that his golden child was absent.  
  
"It was good." Zuko answered both vaguely and honestly, looking to his mother's right, weary of the Firelord's predatory gaze but nevertheless happy to see Ursa. Of course, 'good' was usually how he described his days, but this time Zuko supposed he meant it. "...where's Azula?"  
  
Ursa smiled at what seemed to be a genuine contentment. "Well, she's-"  
  
"Azula's exhausted." Ozai interrupted, himself quite happy to take the situation and run with it. "She had a big day today." he explained enigmatically as he finally sat down and began serving himself some food, swiping the plate of fish fillet.  
  
_She did?_ , Zuko thought to himself, not hearing his mother's grand sigh. "...what do you mean?"  
  
"Well," he began, shoveling various other foods onto his plate. "while you were busy playing, your sister made history." the Firelord explained with a devilish grin, more than happy to slowly let little Zuko realize his grievous error. "Your mother tells me that it took quite a lot out of her." he added, causing Zuko to pause filling his own stomach and look back at Ursa, who's head was resting on her hand.  
  
"What do you mean she made history?" Zuko asked, his food all of the sudden not seeming so appealing as his mind churned about, wondering exactly what his sister had done. Had she told him what he did? Was that what this was about?  
  
As if to violate the laws of reality, Ozai's smile grew even bigger. "Why, she's become the youngest princess in history to ever be named heir by substitution" he said slowly, enunciating every word as if to make sure Zuko could understand him.  
  
Though Zuko didn't even need to hear most of the words to know what they meant. _Heir by substitution._ That was complicated speak for _he was being replaced_ , just like Iroh was before him. Zuko didn't even need to ask why, he knew. His sister had gone behind his back and-  
  
"You see, Zuko" he continued, not knowing or caring about his son's thought process. "Your sister showed me something today - something that hasn't been seen since the era of dragons. The Fire Sages agreed that her abilities are nothing short of divine!" he exclaimed, leaving out the concessions he had to make to get that particular proclamation in writing.  
  
The boy looked up from his plate, surprised that his father hadn't said the words that he was expecting. Divine abilities? Era of dragons? Zuko was confused - he had been almost _certain_ that he was going to bring up what he had done yesterday.  
  
Somehow though, Zuko didn't feel any less betrayed. The fact that Azula might have technically kept her promise was overshadowed by the fact that she had gone behind his back and dealt a critical blow anyway - one he surely couldn't object to for fear of everything coming out. Although on some level there was little he could of have done about it, Zuko felt like an idiot for even thinking his sister wasn't a treacherous snake.  
  
_Azula always lies_  
  
"Well, don't you have anything to say for yourself?" Ozai prompted after a few moments. Zuko looked to his left, to his mother, only to find that her face had been buried deeper into her hand.  
  
"N-Nothing" he managed barely, the food he had just eaten feeling like rocks in his stomach.  
  
"What was that?"  
  
"Nothing." he repeated, more steadfast this time. He didn't have it in him to have another teary-eyed 'discussion' with his father. All he wanted now was to go back to his room and curl up, and stay that way until the turmoil of the day was gone.  
  
Ozai showed a brief smirk before his expression dropped into something more serious. "Boys who have nothing to say for their failures don't belong at my table. _Get out!_ "  
  
" _Ozai._ "  
  
"No, let your precious son leave. Maybe without your coddling he'll finally grow a pair and challenge his sister in the arena. Rather than hoping _you'll_ protect his honor forever."  
  
And leaving was exactly what Zuko did. He didn't stay and listen to his mother's desperate defenses and the inevitable screaming match that would follow - nor did he wander the grounds like last time he had been kicked out of a place in which he was not wanted. Instead, he walked straight to his room without delay. His father had taken the sweet taste from earlier and turned it bitter, and all Zuko wanted to do was spit it out. And he had little chance of that awake.  
  
And Azula? She'd done exactly what she always did. He didn't have much right to be surprised, he supposed.  
  
What was that saying? _Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me?_  
  
Zuko put his weight against his own door. And what if his father was right? What if he ought to challenge his sister? It would be lying to say he hadn't thought of it before. On some level, the outcome was predetermined - the gap between them had been widening ever since they were little. But on another, perhaps his willingness to try in it of itself would impress Father? At least he wouldn't think him a coward.  
  
_Or maybe he just wants to see you get hurt_ , said a voice in his head that was rarely listened to.  
  
Zuko turned away from his bedroom door, retracing his steps before changing direction altogether. On some level, he knew that if he thought too much about it his treasonous doubts would make him turn back. He'd question and question and find a way to talk himself out of it. So, Zuko did what he always did when he was making a potentially disastrous decision: he didn't think about it.  
  
It was dark, but Zuko had very little trouble making his way to Azula's room - he could scarcely stop thinking about what had happened there yesterday.  
  
He considered opening the door and letting himself in. After all, his sister had done the same to him more than enough times. Though something made him stop.  
  
**_Knock knock._**  
  
In what seemed like an instant the door opened in front of him, revealing a sleepy-eyed Azula. "Hello, Zu-zu." she greeted him, as if it were mid-day and nothing had happened between them. Zuko had been expecting a smug face, a gloating smirk. Instead, nothing. "Here to talk?" she asked.  
  
"No." he answered immediately. "I mean, yes! Kind of." he trailed off. "You lied to me." Zuko raised an accusatory finger.  
  
Azula's eyebrow twitched slightly. "Probably." she admitted. She could hardly go a week without spinning some kind of lie to Zu-zu. He made it so easy.  
  
Of course, on some level the Fire Princess knew what Zuko's visit was about, though his stern accusations were a far cry from the furious yelling she expected that the news would yield. Lying? Rather than jumping to defend herself, Azula decided to wait it out and see just exactly what she was being accused of.  
  
"So you admit it! You told father all about me so you could get the throne. All you two needed was a lie you could tell everyone else." he said, his voice a hair shy from a shout.  
  
"You're being ridiculous. Whatever father told you wasn't a cover story." she asserted, before sighing again. "He may have embellished a few details here and there, you know how he is. But while you were off dressing up with Ty Lee I was busy convincing the Fire Sages of my Agni-Given power." she said, doing a bit of embellishment of her own.  
  
"And you expect me to believe that it was just some kind of coincidence? I'm not stupid, Azula. I know what you're up to."  
  
Azula rolled her eyes. "No, dum-dum. It wasn't a _coincidence_." she explained, as if speaking to a child. " _Someone_ had to distract father while you were..." she trailed off. "...experimenting. And it made sense for that person to be me. Father loves seeing me win."  
  
Zuko narrowed his eyes, confused.  
  
"Earth to Zu-zu! I was _helping_ you."  
  
"By taking away my birthright? You have a sick definition of help."  
  
"Oh please, we all know you were never going to be Firelord." she said bluntly. "The only two people in this world who take you seriously are mom and fuddy-duddy uncle. Neither of them decide the line of succession."  
  
Zuko took a deep breath, his stomach making knots for the third time that day. "Well, maybe it's time people started taking me seriously. Maybe it's time we had an _Agni Kai_."  
  
The smile that had been developing on Azula's face was instantly wiped away. "You're not serious." she said, half-shocked and half-amused that he would even suggest such a thing seriously.  
  
"Scared?"  
  
"Yes, Zuko. _Scared for you_. Agni Kai don't usually end well for the losing party. Not this kind anyway" she remarked levelly. "Out here, I'm your sister. Our fights end with bruised egos and ruffled clothes. But in the arena, in front of Father, I'm his princess. He'll expect results, not mercy. And he certainly won't tolerate failure - you should know that better than anyone." Azula explained, her voice blunt like a hammer. "Whoever loses won't just have to deal with their wounds, but Father's wrath too. And I assure you, I'll do everything in my power to make sure that person isn't me."  
  
Zuko stood his ground. "Or maybe he'll reward me for fighting for my honor."  
  
Azula rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. "Father only rewards victory, dum-dum. _Mom_ is the only one who coddles failures like you." she said, keeping her same blunt tone. "If you want some advice - and I suggest you take it: keep your head down, look like you're doing something and keep any _challenges_ to yourself. Father's running out of reasons to keep you around, and mother is running out of excuses for you. You're walking on the edge of a volcano."  
  
Zuko threw his arms down, pacing the room. "You'd like that wouldn't you. If he _got rid of me_." he said, unable to fully deny Azula's words but not accepting them either.  
  
"Come on, Zuko. If I wanted to get rid of you I would have simply dragged you by the arm to father's office yesterday. You would have been gone by the end of the day." she said, annoyed at Zuko's continued insistence that everything she did was somehow a plot against him. "But I didn't, because for some strange reason I have it in me to _help_ you. A thankless job, it seems."  
  
"You're not helping." he said, quieter this time. "You're just making things worse. Maybe the reason I want a fight is because at least then I'll have a chance to protect my honor. This way it's taken from my piece by piece. You master form after form, get all Father's love. You take away my birthright, hold my secrets against me. You say you're on my side but then you leave me behind. If I wait any longer I'll just end up being one of those forgotten princes. The ones that are listed in our family tree but nobody remembers the names of." Zuko continued. "Maybe you're not getting rid of me. Maybe you really didn't tell Father about me. But you're still taking away everything from me and I don't know what else to do about it!" he exclaimed.  
  
Azula nodded. "That makes sense."  
  
"...it does?" he turned to his sister, surprised that she actually admitted something he said had any sense to it at all.  
  
"I understand completely." she said simply. "Before today it was the same way for me. Tell me, Zuko: how many Fire Princesses can you remember off the top of your head?"  
  
"Well, uh.." he scratched his head. "None, I guess."  
  
"There are hundreds." Azula explained. "Most of them got married off to strengthen our family name, to secure a few since-forgotten alliances or simply favor in the court. A few of them fought in the various wars over the centuries. If you look hard enough, you can even find a footnote or two detailing their biggest achievement on the battlefield. The only event in their entire lives that our ancestors felt was worth recording." she said dramatically. "Similar things can be said about the Fire Ladies, who are remembered for kindness and charity, even though the kind and charitable things that they did are mostly lost to time. In fact, the only two women we can clearly remember in the near-millenia of our family's rule was Lady Nahesa who killed her own son to keep power, and of course the oh-so-great Firelord Hoshi who ascended to the dragon throne because the youngest of her three uncles was too busy getting drunk to stop her coronation after the former two had died."  
  
Silence for a moment.  
  
"So believe me, I can empathize with the fear of being _forgotten_. People like me usually are unless we're pushed to do something extraordinary."  
  
Zuko stopped his pacing. "I suppose I never thought about it like that." he said.  
  
"No, I don't suppose you did." she said plainly. "Now, is there anything else you want to say or do you want to have this duel of yours right now? It's a bit late but I'm sure Father hasn't gone to bed yet."  
  
Zuko looked at the ground. "No." he said simply, before apologizing. "I'm sorry for bothering you." Azula said nothing as he turned and left, closing the door behind him.  
  
It was a short walk back to his bedroom, but all the while he couldn't stop pondering her words, even after he was safely under the covers. Forgotten princesses, father...  
  
_Whoever loses won't just have to deal with their wounds, but Father's wrath too. And I assure you, I'll do everything in my power to make sure that person isn't me._  
  
There was no way Father would do anything to Azula, even if she lost... would he?  
  
It was getting more and more difficult to push that dream out of his head.


	8. Chapter 8

The last few days had brought lazy mornings, and Zuko was thankful for that. No surprise visits from Azula, no frightful dreams churning about in the back of his mind, no unexpected rendezvous with Ty Lee or proclamations from father. Just the morning sunshine, the warmth of the covers, and the occasional chirping of birds. It was peaceful and Zuko liked it that way. He wished every morning could be like this - with ample time to rest and prepare for the afternoon.  
  
Like always, hunger eventually struck, but by now the sun was already so high in the sky that it was best Zuko got up anyway.  
  
He dressed himself, ignoring the secret box hidden among his clothes (he had thought about it, of course, but he couldn't bring himself to use the polish inside), before making his way towards the dining hall. While Azula would surely be practicing her firebending and father barking commands in the throne room, Zuko would be drinking pomegranate juice and scarfing down pastries. Part of him felt bad that he was idle when they were busy doing things of substance, but frankly Zuko was glad there were hours of the day that came with time away from them.  
  
"Hi, mom." Zuko greeted as soon as he entered, happy to see her even though he had been expecting to be alone.  
  
"Zuko. Good to see you up and about" said Ursa warmly, offering Zuko a seat with her hand which he eagerly accepted.  
  
Ursa waved to a servant who promptly went to acquire Zuko's favorites. "Did you sleep well?"  
  
"Yeah." he said honestly, hoping his food would be brought to him soon.  
  
"I've been worried about you." Ursa continued. "I've barely seen you these last few days."  
  
"I'm fine." Zuko gave an honest answer. Or a mostly honest answer, anyway. The sting of Ozai's decision had left him by now - even Zuko's fiery anger dulled with time. Instead, he just did his best _not_ to think about it - there was nothing he could do about it now. Eventually, he would find a way to be as good as Azula, and win father's love back. Or at the very least he would do his best to try.  
  
"Alright" said Zuko's mother with a smile. "Well, if you ever need my help, I'm always here for you Zuko." she assured. "I know the throne was very important to you. I know you don't usually like to talk about these things with me, but I'm here until your Uncle gets back from his tour."  
  
"I said I'm fine." Zuko repeated, taking the glass of pomegranate juice from the servant without acknowledging them.  
  
"I'm sure you are." Ursa said with a smile. "I only mean for whenever you're not feeling fine."  
  
Zuko looked down at the glass. "Oh. Right. Sorry." he apologized.  
  
"No need to be sorry. Have you been thinking about school at all? It'll be starting soon." Ursa changed the subject, knowing that Zuko would talk about his troubles if and when he wanted to.  
  
"No." he admitted. "I... have a lot on my mind." he managed.  
  
Ursa nodded. "Of course. I was just thinking we'd get you fitted for a new uniform and get your hair done today. I can't have my boy going to his first day back without looking handsome." she said, looking at Zuko's untied hair which had gained a few inches over the summer.  
  
"Do I have to?" he asked, inwardly cringing at the thought of his mother giving him a _makeover_. Zuko didn't want to be _handsome_. School was just school, it was about learning not looking 'clean' and 'handsome'. He didn't know why his mother insisted otherwise.  
  
She raised an eyebrow. "Well it's only a few days away, and I figure you'll be distracted when Mai comes over on sunday." she explained.  
  
"I look fine mom. I don't need a _haircut_."  
  
"Maybe to you you do, but I can see your split ends from here." Ursa said with a smile. "Don't worry, it won't take long. Just a little styling and a trim, I promise. You'll feel good about it afterwards."  
  
"I don't want to." Zuko said bluntly. "I don't feel like it."  
  
Ursa sat back. "Well, you don't have to do it today." she conceded, not wanting to push her son while he was still hurt by the loss of his birthright. "Maybe we can talk about it again next week." she said warmly.  
  
Silence for a moment.  
  
"What if I didn't want to do it next week?" Zuko asked.  
  
"Well, I suppose we could do it the one after, but-"  
  
"What if I wanted to grow it longer. Like Azula's"  
  
Ursa considered for a moment. "It wouldn't be proper. Boys your age shouldn't bother themselves with long hair. It'll only serve to get in the way - trust me, I know. Not to mention the dreadful things the other boys would say about you."  
  
_It never got in Azula's way,_ Zuko remarked to himself before pausing to think. Mother was right about one thing though, the boys at the academy had picked on others for far less. Sometimes Zuko didn't even understand what it was they found so amusing about him, only that they derived great pleasure in its mockery.  
  
"Well, why can't I by taught at home then, like Azula?" Zuko asked.  
  
Ursa huffed. "Your father doesn't think you're ready." she said with obvious disapproval. For the last two years, Azula had been taught by masters and tutors from all across the Fire Isles. Despite only being in the 9th year at the time, she had 'learned all the academy could teach her'. Of course, Zuko was not afforded the same treatment. He could write and do sums beyond his years, but it was only firebending and battle tactics Ozai was concerned with.  
  
"What do you think?"  
  
Ursa looked down at her lap for a moment, before looking up "I think you don't need your sister's hair to match her skill with fire. You can learn to do that just as you are."  
  
Silence for a moment as a servant delivered a tray for Zuko.  
  
"Yeah, you're right." Zuko said quietly, not sure what else there was to say. For some reason Ursa's words struck him like a blade made of ice, thrust inside of him and then twisted hard. He felt stupid. Azula wasn't better than him because of painted nails, long hair, and pretty dresses. She was better because she was better. Any notions to the contrary, however concrete-seeming they were before now seemed childish.  
  
...  
  
"Something wrong?"  
  
"No."  
  
"You aren't touching your meal."  
  
"Oh." Zuko responded, as if he just noticed it was there.  
  
"Don't worry." Ursa stood up, recognizing her cue to leave her son in peace. "We can talk about setting up an appointment later. There's no need to do it right now." she assured. "And I'll talk to your father about getting you some tutors at home." she added, before giving Zuko a kiss on the cheek and a pat on the head.  
  
"You will?" he asked, looking up.  
  
"I think you deserve them." Ursa said honestly, happy to see her promises had brought Zuko a momentary respite.  
  
"Thanks, Mom." he said, watching her leave.  
  
Zuko barely ate as he pondered.  
  
He couldn't believe his own naiveté. Had he really though that he would be given respect and reverence like his sister if he just looked like her? He would have been lucky not to have been laughed at. It would have just been _weird._. What other boy painted their nails? Wore lip-stick? Mother was right, the boys at school would have mocked him, and deservedly so. He would have been like a dog's meow. A flying rhino-cow. A fish's poetry. A contradiction.  
  
_Wasn't it fun?_  
  
_I suppose. But that doesn't change anything._  


* * *

  
  
The fact that he was doing this was stupid. Not that Zuko didn't have anything to apologize for, no, he certainly did. It was the fact that he had created this situation in the first place. Of all the things to be made to apologize to Azula for, this had to be the most foolish. Zuko would vastly prefer to have to apologize for something cool, like having injured her in a sparring match. Not having stolen from her wardrobe because he felt inadequate.  
  
Finally, he found himself standing in front of Azula's door.  
  
The last time Zuko was here he nearly got himself into a duel. Now he stood with yet another difficult set of words on his lips. Somehow, Azula's door never brought anything good. That never seemed to stop him from coming back, though.  
  
**_Knock Knock_**  
  
There was a long pause before the door opened, revealing the familiar face of Azula. "Zuko." she acknowledged, almost emotionlessly. "Something you need?"  
  
"No." Zuko answered honestly. "I just wanted to apologize."  
  
"Apologize?" Azula said, half a question, half surprise.  
  
"For coming into your room. Putting on your clothes." he said slowly, trying not to stutter each painful word. "I'm sorry. It was wrong, and I shouldn't have done it."  
  
Silence for a moment.  
  
"Well, you'll find no disagreement here." Azula said finally. "I accept your apology."  
  
"You do?" Zuko asked, having expected her to make some kind of demand of restitution of him before she would accept.  
  
"Though very strange, to be sure, truthfully your intrusion was only a mild annoyance. You meant no harm." she said honestly. "I trust your session with Ty Lee was more fruitful than your cloak-and-dagger adventure in here?" she asked.  
  
"Actually..." he paused, contemplating his next words. A small part of him begged him not to continue. "I wanted to talk to you about that too." he said. "I don't think I'll be needing any more of Ty Lee's time."  
  
Azula gave Zuko the strangest look he had seen her give him in a long while. Her brows furrowed and her eyes seemed to look right through him. "...are you sure?"  
  
"Yeah." Zuko affirmed. "I... I was just being stupid. I thought that maybe, if I was like you, I'd be better. I'd be happier. Sometimes I wish I was you." _You are everything I want to be. Everything I should be. People respect you because you're smart and powerful. You always do the right thing._  
  
"And..." she prompted.  
  
"I was wrong." he admitted. "I can't fix my problems by running away and trying to be something other than myself." he said dramatically, his words more confident than ever despite his mind's hidden doubts.  
  
"...are you sure?" Azula asked again, again giving him that look.  
  
"What?"  
  
"You're different, Zuko" she said. "Trust me, I understand the need to hide it, deny it to others. But you shouldn't deny it to yourself. That won't do you any good." she finished with a eerie seriousness that Zuko hadn't heard from Azula since three nights ago.  
  
"I don't understand." he said honestly. "It isn't part of me... it's part of you!" Zuko exclaimed.  
  
"So when you came in here, you wanted to look exactly like me?" Azula asked.  
  
"Well... no." he scratched his head. "Just kind of like you, I guess. Strong." Zuko said, trying to suppress his own cringe at the last word.  
  
Azula raised a hand to her head, as if to ponder something. "And you believed a skirt and some lipstick would make you look strong?"  
  
Zuko suddenly wished he wasn't having this conversation. "...I know, it was stupid." he said, hoping his sister wouldn't burst out in laughter and further compound his embarrassment.  
  
Silence for a moment.  
  
"And you're sure that's why you did it?" she asked.  
  
Zuko looked into Azula's eyes (seeing nothing enlightening, as usual), trying to understand her strange reactions. "Why do you keep asking me if I'm sure?" he asked. This was not how Zuko thought this would go.  
  
Azula shrugged. "No reason, really. I just find all this strange, is all." she lied. "Very well, I'll tell Ty Lee not to bother you on sunday. Is there anything else?"  
  
"No. Thank you." Zuko said plainly, nodding his head before making his way out the door.  
  
Somehow he felt as though he had just made a huge mistake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone. It's been a while! I've been struggling a lot with life and as such this took a lot longer than I thought it would. But, in addition I've began to realize how difficult this story is to write for me. All of the things I put down on the page are such an inextricable part of me, and it's starting to get harder to write without getting really emotional. Especially with this chapter, which dealt with an issue that resounds deeply with me (denial)
> 
> I just wanted to let ya'll know that I definitely haven't abandoned this story. I hope I'll be able to get more updates out faster! I can't make any promises though - for the reasons aforementioned - but I'm definitely committed to giving little Zu-zu a beginning, middle, and an end.
> 
> ~Claire


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